My Dear Diary (The Diary of a 12 year old Lesbian,Book 1)

16

My Dear Diary,
It's been a while. Sorry for not writing, it's been rough. I'm feeling worse then usual. More thoughts during the day. My grades could be better. I almost had an anxiety attack, that was fun. I'm already risking writing in here. I feel like I'm annoying everyone around me. I got more confident for a little while, but then I realized that I was just annoying people so I just stopped. I've been going to therapy. I'm trying to be better at least, it's not really working. I don't know what to do anymore,
I really don't. I don't know how I should fix myself in a way that people will accept me instead of hate me. I don't know how I should act. I hate all of this. Doesn't help that mom is pressuring me to get my grades up and to be better. I'm just, done. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm slowly giving up on myself. I'm slowly dying more and more inside. I hate it. I hate myself. I can see everyone is getting sick of me. All I do is complain, complain, complain. I'm way too selfish. I don't matter. My friends and family do matter. So I'll keep smiling and laughing so they don't worry. I'll do my best to change so they can be happy around me. I'll do whatever it takes. As long as they're happy I'll be fine. I need a break, I'm about to cry on the pages. I can't continue right now.I'll write in you more frequently, promise.
Emily Veri -:-