ethan,
one second, everything was fine. perfect for that matter.
then the next thing i knew, you called me.
"we need to talk."
there was something so off in your voice, something so wrong.
"do you want me to come over?" i asked you.
you told me, "no. meet me at our spot." and hung up right after.
i followed your request and went to the spot. our spot. the spot where we went every sunday morning to reminisce on our week and talk about our goals for the new week.
we knew it was cheesy, but it was self cleansing. we had each other's shoulders to lean on through whatever it was we needed to talk about.
i got out of my car to see you already standing in the ripped up grass. your back was facing me, but you turned around when you heard my car door shut.
the look on your face was filled with emotions that told me this was about to be bad. whatever was going through your mind was not good.
and i was right.
you walked to me, standing in front of me. your eyes avoided contact with me as you looked down to the ground.
i remember the hesitation in your voice. "i can't keep doing this." your voice was weak, like you were holding back the knot inside your throat.
i questioned you, "can't keep doing what?" my voice was filled with worry. you could hear the nervousness in my tone.
me questioning you caused something to crack inside of you. your eyes grew wide, they were dark. "whatever this is. you and me. we're done." you raised your voice at me, and it was harsh.
it was like you turned all of your emotions into anger so that you wouldn't have to feel the true emotions of the true reason you were breaking it off between us.
i stood in silence as i stared at you in front of me in complete disbelief. you were breathing heavily as you looked me up and down quickly with only your eyes; waiting for my reaction.
that was the first time you had ever raised your voice at me. sure, we've gotten annoyed or mad at each other. but not once did we yell when we were truly upset.
"where is this coming from?" my voice was almost inaudible.
i could feel the burning gloss of tears beginning to cover my eyes, but no matter how hard i tried to make them go away, they wouldn't.
you dodged my questioned, clenching your jaw as if you were holding yourself back. you looked as if you were hesitant. "i don't love you."
your words felt sharp in my stomach. i could feel it everywhere. it caused me to freeze as i stared into your eyes. a tear fell down my cheek, but that was it.
you breathed heavily as you looked at me, waiting for me to react, but i didn't.
without saying anything else, you mumbled "bye." and then my name as you walked past me.
something wasn't right. you weren't right. this wasn't who you were.
i turned around, watching you walk further and further away from me.
"so everything was a lie? when you finally told me you love me, and all the times after? you're telling me it wasn't real."
your walking slowed down. i could tell you were debating if you should turn around or not.
but then you kept walking.
from,
your past love
