something

idk what day it is

Pauls dragged me along to this goddamn stupid coffee shop at like 7am. I do NOT want to go to the 'singing coffee shop' so early.
All he wants is for me to meet his future missus who he isn't even dating yet.
I do not look good today.
I haven't shaved in, I don't know how long.
So my facial hair is not as tidy as I usually like.

Just this whole thing with Charlotte has thrown me completely off balance.
There was a storm, the other day, and it's like all she wants is a shag.
God.
I remember leaving at 3:33 am. Specific, I'm aware, because she got a text from fucking Sam and woke me up to tell me to leave.
Asshole.
As I walked out, the kids were on a sleepover, I noticed the neighbour had a light on.
Was completely tempted to knock on the door and ask to stay, but I don't know him.
All I know is that he's gay.
Rueben asked me about it once, he said "Mr Ted do you like to hold hands with boys?"
"No sorry bud."
That's the truth right. Right?
He seems fascinated by it. Char explained it was the neighbour.
I don't know his name.

I yawn and stretch out, I literally do not care that there are other people. All I could tell was that their eyes were studying me, followed by whispers. Twats.
I could've shouted "Stare cowards! Take a picture it lasts longer." But since no one said anything it would've been unprovoked. I'm still defensive after my Dad.
Fuck.
Too early to be thinking of that.

A gentle ring from behind me makes me think that someones walked in.
Probably another hippy.
As if there weren't enough anyway.
To be honest. I'm bored.
"I'm off." I kinda mumble, Paul looks at me in acknowledgment.

I spin round and accidentally bump into the person I assume had just walked in.
Oh.
He's got nice hair. Curly, dark, soft looking.
And his eyes look nice because of it.
Really blue.
Kinda taller than me.
Why're you thinking about this?
Tiredness probably.
"Watch out man."
I move past him, and I can feel him watch me leave.
I don't feel weird about it.
Probably because everyone else had already been staring at me.
The only thing making me feel weird is the fact that I want to turn back and look at him, introduce myself.
While the door shuts behind me, I turn back around to him and just catch a glimpse of him smiling and walking to Emma.
Am I admiring him? No.
Just I think it's cool how gracefully he walks.
When I bumped into him he seemed like he kinda stiffened up.
He didn't look english.
He probably wasn't, he didn't say anything.
Don't overthink it Ted.
I wait outside for Paul.

Whatever Emma sees in him I will never understand.
He's just so bland.
Nice enough, don't get me wrong.
But he just follows the rules so he can be a massive fucking buzzkill.
After a drink or two, not so much.
I kinda want to go talk to that guy, he seems to know Emma.
It's just because I wanna know what she sees in him, that's it.
Eh nah.
The door dings behind me and a silent walk back to the offices commences.

Today I am NOT looking good, usually I would've cared since the latte-hottay was there.
But I didn't really care.
Rumours has it she's called Nora.
It's weird cause she kinda looks like Char.
Speaking of Char, here she is.
Drinking "secretly" out of her flask.
Fucking Sam probably.
Take that any way you want, it's probs correct.
Usually I'd go over to her, flirt a little, hear her innocent (yet not) voice and then her telling me to leave, even though she calls me over multiple times.
But for some reason, I can't be bothered.

This whole Sam and Charlotte and me thing is just such a waste of time.
I'm so sick of having to be her rebound everytime they argue.
It's been the same for years.
He's a cheating scumbag, and I'm surprised I haven't given up on her yet.
She fills me with hope, as I-
Not anymore.
"Charlotte. We're done."
She looks at me in shock.

"What?"
I can feel Bill staring at the back of my head.

"No more. Got it?"
My voice is cold, I'm perfectly aware of that.
I don't know what's come over me, but I just know somethings happened.

Was it that tall, brunet haired man.
The one with the sky blue eyes.
The one whos curled lightly grazed his face.
Probably not.
I didn't even meet him properly.
Just kinda bumped into him.
Tiredness is probably causing me to think of a guy like that.
Tiredness is probably the reason I can't get his slim frame out of my mind, and why I'm disappointed I won't see him again.
Haha.
I'm just messing.
With myself.
Of course I'm not attracted to a guy, you can appreciate someones beauty without being attracted to them.

But now I'm thinking about him, I can't help but wish I'd put a little more effort in my appearance.
What could his name be?
Steve? No no, that wouldn't suit him.
Greg? Too informal.
Stu? No way, he doesn't seem like a Stu.
I guess I'll never find out.
I'm cool with that.
Totally.
I mean, I don't like guys lol. So there's no point regretting it.

But it's made me think.
Should I start paying more attention to what I wear?
I mean, usually I shove on the closest outfit I can find.
Today it's this weird green shirt and brown trousers, I need to sort out my closet definitely.
This day is just dragging on.
Ugh.