Adventures With My Uterus

Death By Potato Peeler

So anyone close to me has probably heard me use this comparison before, and hate me for it, but to fully explain it, i need to go right back to the beginning.

*plays flashback music*

I remember it must've have been my third or fourth period and, after walking up a bagijizillion stairs i was sitting in my regular seat -next to some weird kid i went to primary school with- in biology.

I could feel the blood leaking from my vagina, so i could be sure i wasn't pregnant (the dream happened again). I was too much of a l pussy to wear a tampon in fear of losing my virginity; eleven year old me was determined to survive off pads, liners and black clothing.

I had felt slight pains prior to what i'm about to tell you, however none compared to this.

Miss Manolache (who just happened to be pregnant- god why is everything pregnancy related) was droning on about leaves and the kid next to me was scratching his name into the desks wood. And the noise was awful- screeching and i could hear that his ruler was going to snap soon. Out the window i could see the top of Stealth and cars flying over it. Damm i would've given anything to be there.

'Wake up! Are you taking notes?' Miss asked you in a tone that said "i won't he mad, but i will give you detention and scream at you infront of everyone unless you actually participate in this class"

'Yeah, uh the leaf carries out photosynthesis which is the basically (coughs) backwards equation of glucose' i mumbled. She nodded and turned back to the board.

I shut my eyes and sighed- i hate having to talk infront of the class and i go super red so i started to wave the task paper we were given infront of my face to cool myself down so i wouldn't look so much like a tomato for PE next, where i will go even more red from running cos that's how unfit i am.

I looked back out the window until i surged forward and let out a VERY loud groan. A couple heads turned and Miss asked if everything was okay, raising her eyebrows in judgement.
'I'm fine' i gasped and after a confused 'uh okay' i crossed my legs over and shut my eyes for 2 reasons:
1. So i wasn't able to see everyone else judging and staring at me
2. THE PAIN

'WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!' my head screamed to my uterus.

All i got back were more stabs of pain. And more. And more.

My eyes stayed tight shut and i had the weirdest vision.

So at home i have a little potato peeler with a small cartoon potato as a handle, and i saw it scraping my uterus clean of it's flesh that it had so kindly prepared for my baby to grow in.

But that's essentially what cramps feel like, right? Like you are being scraped from the inside out and it HURTS.

Unless it's just me and i'm just seeing things *seeps into existential crisis*  or it could be some chronic pain disorder oh god here we go.