The Hacker [Bucky Barnes]

Chapter 6//I'm Sorry

"Bucky, this might hurt? You sure about this?" Tony asks, setting up whatever contraption he made to jump-start my memory.
"I need to do this," I replied as Tony shook his head, mumbling something about me being a freaking idiot.
"Listen, if you die, it's all Short Round's fault," Tony gestures to Brent who gasps.
"You little-"
"Shut it Mouth, no one cares." Tony snaps. I didn't get whatever references they were talking about, but it made Kristina smile a bit while Brent kept muttering something about Indiana Jones and The Goonies.
Tony puts a band around my head, tightening and loosening it, so it fits perfectly. He takes a small metal box and starts pressing buttons. Tony looks at me, asking for permission to start. I nod as he starts turning a dial. Suddenly the pressure on my head tightens, and I clench my teeth. It grows stronger as I feel myself slipping, slipping into nothing.
I hear someone screaming in the background.
When I finally wake up, I'm in nothingness. The world is black around me, absolutely nothing. I feel nothing, see nothing, and hear nothing. My world felt turned around like I was swimming through an abyss. Or sailing an ocean that will never end.
The blackness haunts me. Like it turned its eyes onto mine and didn't stop staring. Shivers crept up my back. This freaked me out. Suddenly I found myself in the middle of a street. I scramble out of the way of an approaching car.
"Hello?" I call out. No one hears me. I don't think anyone knows I'm there. Everyone is dressed strangely. Older. I see a newspaper laying on the sidewalk. I kneel down and read the date.
December 12, 1930
That's why it looks weird.
"Bucky come on! They won't have any candy if you keep flirting with girls!" a boy yells. I turn around to see a skinny boy running down the street. His hair was messy and blond. He was thin and small, no muscle at all. Another boy came from around the corner, taller and more built then the skinny one. His eyes were blue with mischief and hair brown.
That's me.
"Steve, it's not my fault I'm handsome," Bucky jokes as the boy Steve punches his shoulder. Bucky, me, doesn't seem affected at all.
I don't remember this. Something wet hits my hand, I rub my face and realize I'm crying.
I don't know this, I don't remember this. Yet I wish I did. Because it seems like Steve and I were close, and that I was happy.
And now all there is nothing.
Bucky and Steve look to be around 12 years old. I wish I could tell my past self that he's going to be in for something he never expected.
Suddenly I feel the wind pick up and find myself in a house. A messy house, but a house nothingness. Blankets are strewn across couch cushions. Shoes are scattered, and scratches cover objects like they've been used too many times.
"Make a wish Rogers," a voice says. I step farther into the house to see Bucky and Steve hiding under a blanket. Now they look to be 16. How many memories have I missed since then? A small cake is set in front of Steve with one flickering candle. Steve takes a breath and blows out the candle. Bucky pats Steve on the back as they sit talking about pointless things, the TV playing softly in the background.
"Thanks, Buck," Steve smiles.
"Anything for my best friend," Bucky grins. I close my eyes, tears falling down my cheeks. Did I ever stop crying? Or is every memory going to bring the tears?
I feel myself teleport to another memory. This time I'm standing outside a house, voices can be heard from below.
"I came after you," Bucky says, following Steve up the stairs. "I wanted to accompany you to the cemetery,"
"I know, I'm sorry. I just wanted to be alone," Steve mutters, his head down.
"How was it?" Bucky asks, his voice laced with sadness for his best friend.
"Was good. She's buried near Father," Steve snaps, obviously still broken.
"I just wanted to ask..." Bucky mutters.
"I know Buck," Steve curses as he searches for something. Bucky sighs and kicks a brick away to reveal a silver key.
"Come on, let's go inside and put down the sofa cushion like we did when we were kids. It'll be fun. You just can shine my shoes and take out the trash," Bucky says, apparently trying to comfort Steve.
"Thanks, Buck, but I can handle it on my own," Steve says, smiling at Bucky.
"But the thing is, you don't have to. I'm with you to the end of the line pal."
I finally broke down.
I sank to the floor, tears pooling from my eyes. I couldn't handle it. I was sobbing. My eyes were blurry, my face was flush, and all I could do was cry. I gasped for air, never stopping to cry.
I'm not going to die from physical pain.
I'm going to die from this.
"Bucky?" the man said, a star-spangled shield in hand.
"Who the hell is Bucky?"
Steve.
I remember.
And I'm so sorry.
I cried for a while. Steve and Bucky were inside his house now. I sat outside, broken and shattered, not being able to stop the tears. I saw a picture on the ground, probably dropped by either Barnes or Rogers. I grabbed it and saw a picture of Steve and Bucky, happy. " I'm with you to the end of the line," was scribbled on the back. I knew I probably couldn't take it back, but I put it in my pocket anyway.
My mind flashed forward until I saw flashes. Guns and fighting, being dragged to a building in Germany. Watching the beginning of the Winter Soldier begin.
I knew where the building is.
I know where HYDRA is.
And when I find them, I'm going to kill them.
Make them suffer.
For making me break my promise.
My promise about being there till the end of the line. 

So I cried writing this.

I'm writing this and sobbing like a maniac. I didn't mean for it to be depressing, it just.....happened. Might be because I'm listening to the Mad World cover by Jasmine Thompson.

The most emotional line in that song is 

"the dreams in which im dying are the best i've ever had."

There's only 10 chapters left in this book.

I hope you enjoy it.

If I made you cry....i'm sorry.

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-Jill