Stars After Sunset

[7]

It was strange, to say the least.  She had never thought she would've found herself in these circumstances, and yet here she was. Trapped in her own mind for four years. It was interesting, she supposed, to see how easily she could alter her mindscape. From a roaring waterfall to a freezing winter, to a warm log cabin, to her own room back in Iwagakure.

Yet, she could never change it to include any form of human life whatsoever.

She tried to imagine Deidara sitting beside her next to the warm glow of a fireplace in winter. She tried to imagine having a conversation with Itachi over a plate of dango in a tea house in Konoha. She desperately tried to imagine watching stars on a hill, lying down next to Sasori, poured all her energy and effort into it, but nothing ever happened. Even pictures wouldn't work.

So she sat there, alone, wandering through the vast expanse of land - rather, her mind - for the time being. How long had it been? She didn't know. Time was difficult there. A minute felt like a second, yet a week felt like a month. She didn't know and simply decided not to dwell on it too much. It would raise too much unnecessary questions and cause one too many headaches.

Decidedly, she was alone and lonely.

That was until she heard his voice.

Like an echo, it reverberated all around her, soothing and calming. The distress and weariness were evident in it, and it nearly broke her to know she was at fault. Yet, she couldn't help but become addicted to it, awaiting it's every word. Several times she tried to follow it, but there was no clear direction in which the voice was coming from. So she settled for sitting or lying down and engraving every word into her memory like a stone.

And the other voices were there too, at least one of them speaking to her per day.

She smiled, closing her eyes and basking in the sun.

It was nice to know so many people cared about her.

°°°

4 years was plenty enough time for her to come to terms with her feelings. At first, she denied anything and everything. It wasn't like the velvety sound of his voice had quickly become her newfound addiction, or that just his smirk was enough to make her heart race. No, she definitely didn't know the exact shade of his red hair, and decidedly made it her new favourite colour. 

Shit. Deidara was so making fun of her when she felt compelled to tell him when she woke up.

°°°

She didn't know what was happening. Her heart raced, her cheeks flushed, she couldn't think straight, and the only thing she could focus on was his voice, calmly echoing and resonating.

How long had it been since she had last heard his voice? She didn't know, but she wanted to hear it again. She tried to reach out, desperately wanted just the lightest touch to assure herself that he really was there. So close, yet so far.

It nearly broke her.

°°°

She longed for the feel of his porcelain skin under her calloused fingers. She longed for the feel of his soft red hair as she ruffled it. She longed to hear his soothing voice in person, face to face.

She craved for any sort of human contact,

But she got none.

And she finally broke.

°°°

Hollow, lifeless eyes stared up at the starlit sky above, wondering what it would be like to watch them in the real world. What having Sasori next to her would be like.

How long had it been?

2 years in the real world.

But to her, it seemed as if it was an eternity.

She could hear him. She felt as if she could practically feel him.

So close, yet so far.

°°°

She didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't want to be stuck in this lonely place. She knew she would make it out of there someday. But when was that someday? So long, it had been, that she couldn't remember how anyone looked like except for him, the one thing she desperately clung onto. 

A night? A hundred?

A year? A thousand?

She wanted to be alive, yet she felt so dead.

But never would she regret what got her here in the first place.

°°°

He was back and talking to her.

"Four years. It's been four years and you're still like this. You haven't moved at all."

She felt something drip onto her cheek near the corner of her eye and trail down the side of her face. It felt wet, yet when she raised her hand to it, nothing was there. Was it... a tear? Was Sasori crying?

All of a sudden, she was sitting in an endless sea, water dripping into it relentlessly. No, not water, tears. These were Sasori's tears. All the tears he had shed for her over the years. And as she sat there, she felt tears of her own drip down her face, adding to the sea below her, making ripples in the water.

And then her eyes opened, and she was all too aware of the beeping machine attached to her, and the blur of crimson seemingly staring at her in disbelief.