Forward (BoyxBoy)

Chapter One

It was summer in the room, a long time ago. Usually the boys found them outside every day during this time, in the backyard spraying one another with hoses, or in the front, conspiring with the neighborhood kids to do something that would inevitably get them in trouble, but it was one of those days when their mother forbid them from leaving the safety of the air conditioning as the temperature rose to the triple digits. This wasn't an common occurrence– their mother usually preferred them to be outside during the summer, so she could work from home peacefully inside– but it happened often enough that they only wallowed in self pity for a few short minutes before going up to the bedroom of Ace, the oldest of the two, to play board games in the sunlight from the window.

It was also winter there, only about a year and a half later, and it was night. James was in his brother's room again, at a time far later than his parents permitted. Because of this, the boys were quiet, huddled under Ace's blankets together with a flashlight and a book about dinosaurs, whispering to one another about their favorites and fun facts they were sure the other didn't know. It wasn't the first night James had snuck into his brothers room, and it was far from the last.

Summer again, only many many years later, when James had just finished his second to last year of middle school, and Ace his freshman year. It was another night, though this time they weren't bothering to hide under the covers, knowing their parents weren't going to check and see if they were asleep. James was crying, softly, but he wasn't hiding his face. He never felt ashamed to cry in front of his brother. Instead, his hands rested fisted in his lap, fingers clenched around the fabric of his pajama pants. "I need to tell you something," he had said, voice wavering him but still present. "I've needed to tell you something for a while, actually".

"James?" His mother's voice pulled him out of his memories just as easily as he had fallen into them. He tore his eyes away from the empty room and leaned back slightly to look out of the door way, down the hall. It took a moment, but his mother eventually made her way to the top of the stairs, and turned her head to look at him. At the sight of him, she smiled, but the expression was still a little sad.

James worried it always would be.

"Hey mom," he greeted, giving her a smile even though he knew it looked tired. Her shoes made soft scuffing noises on the newly stained floor as she approached, and he found his eyes lingering on the unfamiliar rich color of the wood.

It was one of the things they had splurged on in order to sell the house at a reasonable price, as well as new windows and paint throughout the majority of the house– all things that had been worn down over time with two boys in the house playing.

"Looking at the old room?" She asked, coming to a stop next to him, close enough that her shoulder pressed into his. It was her way to provide him comfort, as well as take some herself. They both needed it, he knew, as they turned their heads to look into the empty room. It held a lot of memories for her as well. It had been the room had once held Ace's crib, the room she had gone to in the middle of the night to rock her first born as he cried. The pain in his chest must have only been a fraction of hers. "It's weird, seeing it empty".

James turned his face away from the room, instead looking at the side of his mother's face, taking in her misty eyes, as well as her turned up lips. The more you smile the better you'll feel, had been her motto for many years– she had said it to them as children before gently pulling on their cheeks– and James admired her for sticking by it. Even though she had many reasons not to smile, she still did, all the time. "Yeah," he agreed after the pause, blue eyes shifting away from his mother. He didn't quite look in the room, his eyes unfocused as he spoke again. "Seems bigger".