Forward (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Four

A/N This is a short chapter because I had to write and rewrite it many times, and eventually I just decided to cut out all the parts of it I didn't like, and this is all that was left over.

James was greated with a large hug the second he entered the house. "Where were you? You didn't tell me you had afternoon plans". Over her shoulder, James could see the stack of boxes that had been there this morning, nothing unpacked. It was awful, learning his prediction of her actions was wrong. She hadn't been unpacking by herself as she waited for him, but worrying over his absence. The thought made him hug her a little tighter.

"I'm sorry," James apologized. "Tyler took me to get coffee and I thought it was a good time to give him Ace's letter. I should have let you know before had".

"No," she said, pulling away from the hug and resting her hands on his arms instead. "It's alright. I trust you". Her smile was tired but warm, and James wanted to hug her again. "How did everything with Tyler go?"

"Good. He didn't talk much about how he felt about Ace, but he talked to me about how I felt, which was an improvement. Still, I don't think he's going to be reading that letter anytime soon".

"That's alright". His mother moved away from him, but continued to speak, so he followed. "You remember how long it took each of us to read our own, right?" She lead him into the kitchen, and then poured him a glass of tea from the kettle on the stove.

"I remember," he agreed, sliding into one of the wooden bar stools at the peninsula. The chairs were yet another complementary item from the Bradford family, who seemed determined to assure the Anders had an expensively furnished house.

It had taken James nearly a month to open the letter his brother had sent him. He had felt he needed that time to prepare to read the words, but in the end it hadn't really mattered. It had hurt just as much as it would had if he'd read it directly after his brothers death.

Still, he hadn't told Tyler this, afraid it would completely sway his grieving friend from ever reading the letter, fearing the pain. James knew the importance of the words his brother had written before his death, and knew the sense of closure and acceptance they would eventually bring to Tyler, just as they had brought to him.

It was his brothers letter that made James stop believing that he should have been the one to die.

"Just be there for him when reads it, alright? He's going to need you." James nodded, because of course he would be there for Tyler. They were best friends, and that's what bestfriends were for. With a smile, his mother poured herself a steaming cup of tea before joining him on the other side of the peninsula, pushing herself up onto her toes to be able to sit on the stool next to him. "So how was school then?"

With raised eyebrows, James regarded his mother. It was strange to him, her looking at him with such interest and intent after asking what he thought were with dull questions. They were the kinds of questions that used to be asked over dinner with half interest, or during commercial breaks while watching television. It was just another reminder of all that had changed.

Back in Florida, a few months before, right when they were starting to push back the grief of Ace's loss and continue with their lives, James had heard his parents talking about the change they were going to make in parenting. He had been awake to use the bathroom when he'd picked up on their voices from their bedroom, speaking softly back and forth. "It's too late for us to be better parents to Ace, but we still have time with James, and we should make the most out of it," his mother had said. It was the first time that James heard her mention the death of his brother without the sound of tears in her voice. "We can't miss out on letting him know how much we love and care about him. I never want him to think that we don't care".