Written In The Waters

Written In The Waters| Chapter 4

I looked everywhere for Bryan.

In all of the rooms, closets, under the beds, I even stared at his bed a couple of times thinking or hoping that he would be there and I was just going crazy. After going to the middle of the trailer and shouting, "Bryan, Bryan where are you!" One last time. A thickness of dizziness rolled over me and I once again found myself dropping to the floor.

My eyes began to overflow with tears. I just wanted this day to end, but it wouldn't feel right if I didn't know that both of my brothers were in the bed safe and sleeping before I was. It reminded me of painful memories. My mother has a history with abusive boyfriends and as the oldest, I get to remember all of the bad things that happened and I had to put on a brave face for my little brothers.

Filling in my mother's role as an actual mom was the only thing I did right. If I couldn't do that then what was my purpose? It felt like I had failed at the only responsibility I had even if it was a pretty big one.

"He's under his bed with his noise-canceling earphones on sweety", my mother pointed out. I expected her to be in bed by now, but she was up getting started on dinner for the next day. Oh, how I wished my mother could become an independent woman and stop relying on a man to make herself feel whole.

I dashed from the kitchen to our room and went straight to his bed. I was angry and also a little fearful that he wouldn't be there. Before I could drop down to my knees, I saw the light from his tablet beaming all around the hardwood floors surrounding the bed and if you were quiet enough, you could hear his music from the game he was playing. How could I have not noticed this before?

"You didn't hear me calling you" I roared knowing there was no way in hell he could've heard me, but it still felt good to say it. When I finally got all the way on the floor and looked under the bed I was flustered at what I saw. He was looking right at me with his big brown eyes that had bright yet dark red veins swelling from them. Drool was falling from his mouth and he looked like he was in a daze and for awhile too

"Bryan are you ok-" I mumbled. He moved his head slightly in front of him back at his tablet and I reached out to tap him. "What are you doing," he said as he turned back around towards me, but instead this time he looked...normal.

"Get out from under here" I ordered. I wanted to yell at him, but I couldn't instead I just gave him a big hug. "Is everything okay" he hesitantly asked while fully taking off his headphones. "Did you not hear what was going on?" I asked. "Yeah, That's why I put in my earphones and went under the bed" he answered.

Apart of me knew he was lying. "Why is the window open and most of all why weren't you with Zack" I questioned him some more. I could honestly say that I was very heated at the fact that I didn't find him with Zack. When I'm gone, he's supposed to step up as he is the second oldest.

"It was hot and I'm sorry I just wanted to be alone while it was happening" he replied. Something in me knew he wasn't telling me the whole truth or none of it at all.

I was going to ask him more questions starting with what happened between mom and Jake, but he was probably gonna say he didn't know.  "Can I go to bed now?" he asked. At first, I was going to say no, but then I looked over at Zack who I didn't even notice was standing right there. "Can we Bridgey" Zack added on with droopy eyes. "Okay it has been a long night" I gave in.

I tucked Zack into bed and kissed him goodnight and closed the bedroom window. I stopped tucking Bryan in a long time ago because apparently "he was too old for it". I just never wanted him to know the feeling of not being tucked in after a long and scary night or...cared for. I'm not saying that my mother isn't a good mother, but at times she can forget that she is one.