I Don't Want to Remember

A Fresh Start

Lauren accepted Camila's request. She invited the brown eyed girl in her house to have a sleepover so they can talk. Lauren felt most safe in the four corners of her room.

"Hun! Camila's here!"

Lauren slowly went down to meet Camila. Camila with a backpack and pillow in her hand starred at Lauren longingly. It's nice to talk to Lauren in text but it's never the same when she sees the green eyed girl in person.

"Hey.." Lauren offered a small smile.

"Hi Laur.." Camila answered wanting to give Lauren a nice tight hug but decided not to. Not yet.

"Let's go up in my room.." Lauren offered shyly taking Camila's pillow in her hands. Camila smiled at the gesture.

"You can sit on my bed if you want to.." Lauren look at Camila very briefly and tuck some strands of her hair at the back of her ears. She took Camila's back pack and put in on her dresser.

"That would be nice, thank you Laur." Camila accepted Lauren's offer.

"Sorry for being too awkward.." Lauren started.

"Hey.. no.. you're not. Come here.." Camila offered her hand so Lauren can take it. Camila tap Lauren's bed gesturing Lauren to sit down with her. Camila offered her hand up again for Lauren. Lauren took it gently as she sat beside Camila.

Camila shared what happened to the diner and Lauren hasn't said anything back at Camila.

"Laur.. is that the first and last time.. I did something bad to you.. please be honest.."
Camila slowly took Lauren's hand in hers and look at the green eyed girl. She saw the tears brimming in Lauren's eyes and she can't help and feel guilty about it. She might not know what really happened between her and Lauren but knowing she's the cause of green eyed girl's suffering breaks her heart.

Lauren silently shook her head.
Camila closed her eyes as she held Lauren's hand firmly.

"It's not really important for us to relive the past.. we can not changed what happened.." Lauren suggested.

"But-"

"No Camz, I don't want to look back too.. It won't do good for the both of us.."

"As much as I am comfortable with you, you are not with me Lauren. You can not even look at me in the eyes.."

"I'll work on it.. it's just not easy.."

Camilla sighed.

"I promise not to hurt you again, never."

"Okay."

"Do you believe me?"

"I do.."

Camila gently took Lauren's face to look at her.

"I always wanted to see your eyes Lauren."

Lauren never starred at someone's eyes as close as this. Camila's brown orbs has that special effect on her. But as much as she wanted to trust Camila she just couldn't. Not yet.

Lauren averted her gaze from the brown eyed girl and Camila sighed.

"Uhh.. Alright.. if you don't want us to talk about the past that's fine.. but I wanted to know one thing tho.. uuhh.. Did I hurt you? Like physically?" Camila asked nervously. She felt like she needed to asked Lauren about it. The brown eyed girl looked at Lauren attentively as she waited for the green eyed girl's response. Camila thought that she may not be able to forgive herself if she did. For someone who has a heart as pure as Lauren, that is just unforgivable.

"No.." Lauren lied.

"Oh my.. thank God Laur.. just.. woah.. I think my heart skipped a bit.. because If I did.. I don't know what will I do.. that's just too much.." Camila relied in pure relief.

"Yeah.." Lauren played with her hands as she shifted uncomfortably next to Camila.

"Okay.. so.. tomorrow's a Saturday.. do you need to go somewhere?" Camila started to lighten up the mood. Still sitting on Lauren's bed she decided to give the girl some space as she stood up and look outside Lauren's window. Lauren watch the girl walk slowly at her desk and look at the recent added picture frame on the wall just above the wooden shelf.

"No.."

"Are these your friends?" Camila asked looking at the picture. Lauren was smiling from ear to ear with closed eyes. Three girls were hugging Lauren, one from Lauren's back who has her arms extend to both sides of Lauren's shoulder to hold the front Camera in place and the other two in each side kissing Lauren's cheek.

Lauren look so happy and beautiful. Camila thought.

"Yes.. that was just taken yesterday." Lauren watch Camila turn to her and she immediately averted her gaze from the brown eyed girl.

"If it's not too much.. Can I meet them?" Camila smiled as she look at Lauren who's now playing on the hem of her left sleeve.

"Uhh.."

"Hey.." Camila walk over and sat again on Lauren's side.

"It's okay if you don't want to okay? Please don't feel-" Camila genuinely offered.

"No! It's okay.. it's just I'll ask them first.. I'll talk to them.. like I said you were different.. mmm.. back then.. I'm sor-"

"Please don't ever apologize to me Laur.. never okay? If someone needs to use that word it's me and not you.. understand?" Camila was about extend her hand to to hold Lauren's when she decided not to. She still hasn't gained Lauren's trust.

"Camz.." Lauren look at Camila's eyes and was lost again.

"I'll meet them whenever.. so any movies we can watch.. this is still a sleepover right? You won't cast me off this late and make me walk in that dark old street.." Camila added playfully as she pointed outside Lauren's window.

"Oh jeez! Of course not!" Lauren replied defensively.

"I know you wouldn't you're just too kind.."
Camila smiled sweetly and stare at Lauren's eyes as if memorizing every inch of other girl's face.

One day I'll make you smile or laugh genuinely too.. like in that picture. One day Lauren. One day. Camila thought.