Eccendentesiast

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warning: graphic talk about cutting ahead, skip if it makes you uncomfortable :(

• c e r y s    p o i n t    o f    v i e w  •

       ~ Cerys sighed as she stared at her reflection in the bathroom's mirror, her eyes were dull and her face was sickly pale. God, Can I eat just one meal without throwing up?  Just one goddamn meal! She thought to herself. Her eyes fell down on her boney hands that she always covered with her sleeves, but now they were exposed as she eyed them. There were stretch mark of some scars that reminded her of her misery years ago. Cerys let a small sigh fall out of her mouth mouths squeezed her eyes shut.

Cerys wondered if anything changed. Has she changed from her old self? The girl that used to cut her wrists just to ease the pain? the girl that cried herself to sleep every day? Yes, Cerys acts perfect, but that's the thing; She isn't perfect and never will be. She has a dark past that will always haunt her, her old self begging her to cut again, to numb her feelings. Nothing changed except Cerys attitude toward sadness. But deep inside, she knew she was unhappy.

Cerys believed she was strong, she believed that she could survive again, without going back slitting her wrists or cutting her legs. She was more than that and she learned from that lesson. But sometimes, just sometimes she wants to fall on her bed and never wake up again, she wants ease her pain by cutting. But she remembers almost instantly that cutting doesn't solve anything. In fact, it makes it worse.

But Cerys wasn't ready to battle she wasn't destined to survive, sometimes it hurts too much that the first thing she thinks about is going back to cutting.

But that day, right there, Cerys didn't care as she slide down the bathroom's wall and sobbed, her body shaking. She covered her face in her hands. Hoping it would end, the feeling of loneliness and darkness hopefully would come to an end one day. Because even though Cerys knew how strong she was, she didn't think she was strong enough to survive another dark place in her life.

And she laid there, she laid until the lunch break finished, crying to herself, her face still in her hands that were now soaked with tears. But she stood up eventually and washed her face, reapplying her makeup again and plastering a small smile on her lips. She covered her exposed hands with the sleeves' of her crop top.

And she just casually got out of the bathroom, acting as if she wasn't vomiting ten minutes ago, acting as if she wasn't sobbing that her throat hurt, and her chest ached. She just casually entered her class and sat down concentrating on what the teacher was teaching the students.

Because Cerys was convinced she is supposed to act perfect. That she had to be perfect.

And she swore to herself that she never ever cry in the school's bathroom again, that she never show her weakness and vulnerability in such public place, because... what if...

What if someone found out? Cerys didn't wanna think what would happen. But it was already too late. Because someone did.

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