Beautiful Mess (Book I)

Chapter twenty-one

"To the world, you may be one person. But to one person, you may be the world."

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•Rae•

As Shelley announces their names, Kyle immediately looks at me. I try to smile but it's too hard to fake so I give him a thumbs up instead.

But why does he look as devastated as me instead of being ecstatic right now?

A sudden cry of joy breaks our eye contact and we turn towards the source. May puts her hand on her mouth as happy tears start to roll down her cheeks. Star engulfs her in a tight hug and they cry together as the rest of us do nothing but stare.

"I'm so happy." May's timid voice gets muffled in Star's shoulder as she continues to sob.

"I'm so happy for you too." Star lets out a short laugh. "It wasn't a surprise though. I knew you were ready."

May pulls away and a sad smile forms on her face as she glances at the rest of us. "But I'll miss you guys too much. What am I gonna do?"

"You don't look happy," Oliver points out, raising his brows at Kyle.

Kyle looks at me, and it's getting harder to hide my sadness by each second that passes.

"Kyle? What's wrong?" Shelley asks. "Aren't you glad that you've accomplished this?"

He slowly turns to her and blinks a couple of times before glancing back at me. "Uh... yeah, I am," he mumbles, but the look in his eyes says otherwise.

"Lucky you, man. I hope my turn comes soon." Oliver chuckles.

"You weren't this excited when Shelley first told us about the interview. In fact, you literally had a breakdown. Didn't exactly seem like you wanted to get released." Megan narrows her eyes.

Oliver glances at Shelley. "Oh, that was... I was just... surprised."

"'Surprised'," Megan mocks his voice before rolling her eyes. "That doesn't give you the right to blow up whenever you feel like it."

"Sorry." He quietly apologizes to Shelley. "What I said was kind of unnecessary. The thought that either one of us would get out of here--" He cuts himself off before gulping audibly.

"Wait, what?" Megan frowns at him in confusion.

I think the rest of us all know what he was trying to say...

"It's okay, Ollie," Shelley tells him. "I understand that you were scared to be separated from this group and that's what made you lose your temper."

Oliver looks down to hide the slight blush forming on his cheeks. Even though Shelley spared the details to refrain from embarrassing him, we all know that he didn't want Megan to leave this place without him or the other way around.

We've come so far together but I guess we all became attached to someone along the way.

And now some of us would have to let go.

*     *     *

It's cold today. It's been raining for hours last night. I'm sitting in the gym, waiting for Kyle.

He was quiet yesterday during and after the session so I couldn't talk to him at all. I don't know why he's being like this. Wasn't he the one who told me that there's nothing more he wants than to be free and start living again?

So what changed? I wonder to myself as he walks over to me.

He sits beside me as usual but he doesn't even glance at me. It's like he's ignoring me all over again, and that disappoints me more than I'd like to admit.

Is he being like this because he'll be leaving soon? Does he think 'what's the point in spending time with her anyway if I won't be seeing her ever again? Might as well act like strangers already.'?

"What's wrong?" I glance at him. "You got what you wanted."

He turns to face me and my heart stops as I notice the sad look on his face.

"You're right but I didn't think things would turn out like this."

"Like what?"

"This." He gestures between us. "I don't want to lose this."

Neither do I.

"You're getting out of here, Kyle. Just be happy about that. You'll start a new life and--"

"Don't you get it?" he cuts me off. "That means nothing to me."

"What do you mean it means nothing to you? Of course it does!" I exclaim in frustration.

"You don't get it..." He sighs and looks away.

I frown in confusion. What the hell is going on in that head of his?

He looks straight ahead as I keep staring at the side of his face. "Rae, I'm telling you I'd rather stay here with you. Why is that so hard to understand?"

I freeze. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can't believe my ears. Does he care about me this much?

"I know I've told you that I can't wait to get released. But that was back when I--" He cuts himself off and shakes his head. "Staying here doesn't seem that bad anymore. I'm glad I won't be lining up for showers from now on, no more sessions, no more watching a stupid basketball match, no more being watched and looked after... God knows I won't miss any of those. But I'll miss you, Rae." He still doesn't look at me as he adds, "I don't think I'm ready to let you go."

Me neither.

Those are the words I want to say so badly. But I can't because it would only make things more difficult for us.

"We still have a week left." I try to say it as cheerfully as I can but I know it's not convincing enough. He can see right through me.

Kyle looks at me for a moment before pulling me into a hug.

If you ask me about the most heart touching moments I've experienced in my seventeen years of life, I can list a few. But none can ever compare to this. Feeling him so close, his heart beating against mine, stirs up something in me. I resist the urge to cry.

His hands pull me closer by the shoulders while mine is resting on his back. For a moment the cold seems like it has disappeared and the voices around me become distant.

"I'll miss you," he mumbles.

We pull apart after a moment even though I didn't want to let go.

Star clears her throat and we realize that they've been witnessing our... hug, I guess. "Um, Kyle? Can I ask you something?" She smiles at him.

"Sure," he says hesitantly.

"Since this is your last week ... do you mind if we... you know, talk to you? It's just that... we've been friends with Raelyn for months but you've never talked to us." She laughs nervously.

"So... let's be friends. For a week." She holds out her hand and he looks at it like it's some kind of ticking bomb.

"Shake her hand." I can't help but laugh, and May joins me.

He looks at me in amusement, making my heart beat a little faster.

"Kyle, shake her hand," I repeat, trying to contain my smile.

He chuckles and shakes her hand, making her smile so big it almost reaches her ears.

Gosh I'm gonna miss him so bad when he's gone.