Beautiful Mess (Book I)

Chapter twenty-five

"I'd never lived before your love."

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•Kyle•

"Today we'll be talking about love," Shelley starts. "You can describe how it affects you personally, either negatively or positively. Now when I say love keep in mind it can be any kind of love. Just talk about it in general and how loving someone makes you feel. What do you think is expected from you or them? What do you think is the best way to show someone you love them?"

I can't help but glance at Rae. And the fact that Ryan is sitting next to her is annoying the shit out of me. It took every ounce of my self control to not smash his face against the gym floor yesterday.

Oliver is the first to speak. "Well, the best way to show someone you love them is by your actions. Actions speak, right?"

Star clears her throat as her turn comes. "I think love is what makes us human, you know? It's impossible for us to not love, in my opinion. I don't think life would be as enjoyable without love."

"Enjoyable?" Megan snorts. "Are you enjoying your life here?"

Star nods without any hesitation. "Yeah. I think being here is the best thing that ever happened to me."

Shelley calls my name and I cross my arms over my chest. I can't help but glance at Rae because I know whatever I'm gonna say is about her.

"When you find someone who understands you and trusts you, you feel like you've found a reason to live. A reason to keep fighting. Because it's hard to keep going when-- when you feel all alone and when you think you're all you've got. And when someone just... proves you wrong and shows you they care, that's... that's love. The more you try to deny it, the clearer it becomes. It doesn't go away no matter how hard you try. You can't win that fight. It's better to just accept it."

I glance at Rae once again and she holds my gaze for a moment.

Megan rolls her eyes as her turn comes. "I don't even know what love is. There was a time that I thought my sister and I loved each other." She snorts. "It was all in my head. I was the one suffering and she blamed me for it. She should've protected me. But what did she do? She took his side and threw her little sister away. Is that what love is? Is it? Yeah, thought so."

"Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it's not real, Meg. Someone will love you the way you deserve," Oliver says confidently.

She looks at him and raises her brow.

"Oh really? How do you know?"

Oliver hesitates before saying, "I just do."

"Shut up, Ollie." Megan glares at him. "Stop trying to solve everything. You always act like you know the future like you're some kind of god. News flash, you're not God. So just stop, okay? Stop."

I've never felt bad for Oliver before, but I do now. I can tell that what she said broke his heart.

"Love? There's no such thing," Lilly mumbles on her turn. "It's just an illusion. Something we create in our heads to bring some excitement into our lives. It's bullshit."

"Well, they say the ones that are hard to love need it the most." Ryan smirks at Lilly. "Looks like you need it the most."

She glares at him but doesn't respond.

Flint stays silent on his turn, and he wouldn't talk no matter how hard Shelley tries to encourage him.

Rae glances at me as Shelley calls her name.

"Love, to me, is being happy just because that person is happy, and feeling sad just because that person is sad. It's amazing how... it's just amazing how powerful it can be sometimes. I've only loved three people in my life. The first two were my parents. Even after a bad day at school, going home and seeing their smiling faces would make me forget all about it. And the third person... well, how do I even explain that. I've never thought I'd be saying this, but just one person-- one person is enough to be everything you need. Just one person can be your best friend, your family, your... love."

Moments pass as we keep staring at each other. But then Ryan puts his hand on her shoulder, making her turn to him startled. "That was the best thing I've ever heard, pretty girl."

This prick is getting on my nerves.

Rae looks uncomfortable as she glances at Shelley and then me.

"Ryan," Shelley says calmly. "I think we need to set rules here. Express yourself in words, not actions."

Ryan lets go of Rae's shoulder but holds her hand instead as he glances at the rest of us. "Is she always like this? She orders you around and treats you like children?"

It would normally be Oliver who'd come up with a snarky reply, but his mood hasn't improved from earlier.

"Shut up, jerk. Who do you think you are?" Megan raises her brow at Ryan.

"Show some respect," Star adds.

"Let go of her hand," Lilly glares at him.

"Woah, no need to gang up on me." He puts his hands up in defeat.

As the session ends and everyone walks out of the room, I quickly follow Ryan and tap on his shoulder. Rae touches my arm to stop me but I shake my head to let her know that I'm not gonna hurt him.

"Stop bothering her," I tell him as calmly as I can.

He laughs in my face before glancing at Rae. "Is he your personal guardian or something? She can speak for herself if I'm bothering--"

"I'm warning you. Stay away from her or I'll--" I cut myself off before I say something that would disappoint her. I start to walk away so that I won't end up punching him.

"Hey tough guy," he calls out as Rae starts following me. "Wanna sort this out one on one like real men?"

I turn around and shake my head. "You're not worth my time. You're not worth anyone's time."

Ryan glances at Rae, and then looks back at me with a blank look. "I know."
Rae and I share a confused look as he gives us a fake smile. And then he walks away without a word and we do the same.

*     *     *

As we all gather around in the circle, something about Shelley seems... off. She's sitting quietly with an unfamiliar look on her face. I turn to my left and notice that the seat next to Rae is empty. Where the hell is Ryan?

"I need to talk to you guys about something," Shelley starts. "You all saw what happened yesterday. I get that you've all known each other for months, and that's why some of you were supporting each other against Ryan. But you should think about the consequences before you say or do anything to anyone. I'm not supposed to tell you his personal information but I'll do it this time because I can't let something like that happen again in case he comes back to this group after recovering."

We all stare at Shelley in confusion.

"Ryan attempted to commit suicide."