I should probably tell you that if you're reading this, you're reading my journal. It's really hard being here. On the earth I mean. I'm a messy person. I make a lot of mistakes. And I lost a lot of friends. Joshua never left though. And recently, he came out as gay, but honestly I think he may like me? Not sure. you're probably wondering how Caleb isn't noticing all this. I met Caleb 4 years ago, But I met him online. i've never been able to meet him and distance is extremely difficult. Honestly, i'm losing feelings for caleb. However, i don't want to hurt him. I love Caleb in ways i can't even explain, but It's really hard for us though to be over the internet. Things haven't been healthy between us as of late. but we're supposed to meet in 5 months if we last that long. I'm not sure what to do. My feelings for Joshua are so overwhelming. Anyway, things have been really tough lately. I'm out as transgender at school. But, I didn't choose to come out. A girl i used to be friends with outed me during an assembly. Some people accepted me, but a lot didn't. I was destroyed, aswell as being severely bullied. But it's not so bad when you're used to it. It's really hard being in a community where nobody accepts what isn't normal. I'm also bisexual, but I never came out as bi. I've never dated a girl. Even when I've liked them a lot. I know it wouldn't go well. lately everything is getting to be too much. I'm thinking about suicide. I know I shouldn't. That it would hurt others around me. That its "selfish". But I'm holding on for dear life right now. I don't know what to do, but I'll keep trying. Anyway, I have to go.
