So, yesterday was interesting. Remember how I told you I was going to try and kiss Josh? Well, It went quite decently. This guy. Is all I've ever wanted.We kinda just sat there and blushed and stared at each other for a while afterward. And then he left. Nothing else happened. We didn't know what to do. I think he was embarrassed? I'm not sure. He's a good guy but he cares what people think. It's his weakness. It's kinda saddening that he cares so much about what other people think, because he's out as gay. I just wish he could be honest to other people about his feelings. I'm the type of person that cares but doesn't at the same time. I know the consequences of not caring, but i feel that it's more important for me to just be myself. I want to tell the world that he's mine but i don't even know if he is. He gave me a hug and left. We didn't discuss it. We didn't even really talk afterward. He said he had to do something and that he'd call me later, and it has been almost a day. It's Saturday night that i'm writing this. When you really think about it, all we are is what we think of ourselves. Regardless of what happens, i'm glad i kissed him. I'm glad i took that chance. Here's what i'm thinking, what's going on in my head. Joshua is a great guy, I think I've loved him for a while now, and i was just suppressing it for Caleb's sake and for the sake of my friendship with Josh. I can't hide my feelings for him anymore, I have to tell him. So, i'm gonna text him right now. Here's what i want to say, "Joshua. I'm sorry if kissing you made you uncomfortable, but i'm not sorry that i kissed you. I'm not sorry because you have been flirting with me and giving off signals for weeks on end. I hope that we can still be friends but if i'm being honest, i have feelings for you. I've had them for a while but i'm not quite sure when i developed them. But. It's okay if you don't feel the same, i just hope we can still be friends. I just hope that you'll look at me the same." I'm going to try to sleep, but i shall let you know what he says tomorrow. Goodnight
