Hey, I'm out of the hospital. It's been a few weeks. They took my journal and wouldn't give it back until I left. I'm feeling a bit better. But I'm still sad. Joshua is coming to see me today. I'm gonna go in and try to kiss him. Yes, It's a long shot. But I'm hoping it works. I'm really nervous about that. And I'm stressed. I'm failing 4 classes in school right now. It's nerve wrecking. My parents are pissed at me. The only person they'll even let me see right now is Joshua. He's been over here a few times in the last week. He missed me a lot and he's helping me being up my grades. I'm almost to a D in math. Joshua.. he looks more attractive than ever recently. I think I'm going crazy. There's no way I'm in love with him. I can't be. Not so soon. Unless I always was. But I'm not sure. It doesn't help that he keeps dropping hints that could be false. Joshua is amazing. He really is. I don't know what id do without him. But it makes me sad to think that I could lose him so fast if I make a mistake. I don't know what I'd do if he left. I'd do literally anything for him. Caleb. I loved him. God I loved him. But he wasn't Joshua. He doesn't compare to Joshua and my feelings for him. The thoughts that cross my mind. I don't know. I'm sentimental and wierd so don't pay too much attention to me. But yeah. Feelings suck. A lot. I don't even know anymore. Joshua is here. I gotta go but I'll be back later. See ya.
