The F*cked Up Club // Robert Downey Jr

169 // GROUPCHAT

* THE MARVEL BUNCH *

LANA
Well hello my sweet little gumdrops
It's a pleasure catching up with youse on this fine evening

HEMSWORTH
Are you high?

MARK
Good God what diabolical plan is she cooking up now

ROBERT
Brace yourselves this is gonna be good 😂

LANA
Now now, can't I enjoy chatting with my little tim tams whom I love with all my heart? 🥰

JEREMY
Go away you ugly troll

SCARLETT
Is anyone qualified to perform an exorcism here? She's scaring me

EVANS
Someone's about to get destroyed
My bet is on mark

LANA
Funny you'd say that, cupcake
Let me ask you all a question

ROBERT
Here it comes...

HEMSWORTH
Downey do you know what the hell she's talking about?

ROBERT
Not a clue
But if she's in such a good mood then it must be good and I am HERE FOR IT

LANA
Sooo do you guys remember why this groupchat was made?

SCARLETT
So jeremy's creepy ass could fanboy over yours and Robert's relationship?

JEREMY
Omfg 🙄

LANA
Bingo!
Well guess what?

MARK
What what??

JEREMY
Oh for fucks sake I think I know where this is going...

EVANS
Lana you're killing us here, just spill the dirt

LANA
It's payback time dickhead ✌🏻

JEREMY
Gosh NO

SCARLETT
What's happening I'm so confuuused

LANA
DID Y'ALL KNOW RENNER HAS BEEN LOWKEY STALKING MARJANI FOR A YEAR LIKE THE GIANT LOVESICK PUPPY HE IS

MARK
Marjani King??

LANA
How many Marjanis do you know mate?

ROBERT
OMFG 😭

HEMSWORTH
Jesus 😂
Seriously??

SCARLETT
NO WAY
Oh my poor baby jer 😢

MARK
I'm weak 😭😂

EVANS
Buddy what are you doinnnng
She is WAY out of your league

JEREMY
Kindly go fuck yourself 😊

LANA
Don't blame Chris, he just said out loud what we were all thinking deep down

ROBERT
Lmfaooo why don't you sugarcoat it a LITTLE

JEREMY
Death sounds great right about now

MARK
Watching Jeremy suffer is so therapeutic

LANA
^ My life philosophy

HEMSWORTH
Wait I thought you were kidding for a second
Is this for real??

LANA
Jeremy my little cake pop why don't you answer that question ☺️

ROBERT
You're starting to creep me out with the nicknames tbh

JEREMY
First and foremost, I hope Lana suffers a slow agonizing death
Second, I HAVE NEVER STALKED ANYONE
Third, yes I like her, SUE ME

LANA
"I like her"
Phaaaa look at him trying to play it cool
I think a more accurate description would be "I HAVE BIG FAT STALKER CRUSH ON HER"

SCARLETT
Ohhhh my gawwwsh this is so exciting 😍

EVANS
Shit now we can't roast him for his terrible taste in women anymore

ROBERT
I mean she is still out of his league so let's not get ahead of ourselves

JEREMY
Wow I hate to break it to you assholes
But guess what
I asked her out and she said yes
SO WHO'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE NOW 🖕🏻

HEMSWORTH
And you never thought to tell any of us??
Far ouuut I thought we were friends

SCARLETT
Wow Jeremy you're such a little rat

MARK
Agreed since when do we keep secrets between us? Smhhhh

JEREMY
asdffghhjldjdjs AND YOU'RE SURPRISED I TOLD NO ONE??

LANA
Damn that sounds familiar
Almost like something I said a while back when you created this groupchat
Don't you think so Robert? 🤔

ROBERT
I concure
It does sound VERY familiar 🤔🤔

HEMSWORTH
Okay but the real question here is how did Jeremy get someone like Marjani King to date his sorry ass

SCARLETT
I mean we all agree he probably coerced her, right?

MARK
Only logical explanation I can find tbh

EVANS
It's either that or she seriously lowered her standards

JEREMY
Lana you old hag I hope you're enjoying this

LANA
Why thanks for asking I am enjoying this very much ☺️

ROBERT
Lana?

LANA
Yes m'love?

ROBERT
The fact that you orchestrated a whole gang up on Jeremy to get back at something he did two years ago... I'm feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly respect

JEREMY
I cannot believe you're marrying that nightmare Downey
She's a psychopath

ROBERT
Tbh that is a big part of why I'm marrying her

LANA
More romantic words have never been spoken 😩