Odd-eyed Beauty // hwang minhyun (#27)

Twelve

Yeongwon

I feel like dying right now, I am nothing right now, everyone is better than me at anything and I am a failure. What they say is right, I bring nothing to people but bad luck, I brought bad luck to that student who is still very unlucky till this date, I saw him tripping over nothing outside his classroom today.

What Lee Sol said is correct, I am cursed and I should never belong in this world at all, I should have died a long time ago, why am I even born? My parents should've thrown me out when they found out that I have two different coloured eyes, they would've just given me up to the orphanage once they know that I am flawed. Why the hell did they even raise me for?

They have allowed me to live just to get bullied on a daily basis, they don't know exactly how much it hurts to have hurtful remarks to get thrown in your face every day, they can tell that you are hurt by it but they don't stop at it at all. In fact, they continue to do that for the next 10 years, the insults get more and more hurtful but their motive is still the same, they want to see you get down and get affected by their words.

They want to see people suffer and they are the best at doing that, those insecure people who have nothing better to do than to attack people's flaws like a game, everything to them is a game and it doesn't mean anything to me but I got hurt by it. It is best that I don't remain in this world, I don't want to suffer anymore. They can say whatever they want to me and I don't care anymore, I will not be there to listen to them insult me any longer.

I looked towards the penknife in my stationery holder and I slowly walked towards it, picking it up with my fingers. It is a simple tool that I use when I make my little models of houses and other buildings, it is one of my hobbies other than reading and it is a very boring hobby but it requires a lot of concentration and perseverance. But at other times, it becomes my little weapon for relieve and self-defence it is all I needed to feel better.

I pulled up my sleeves a little, multiple lines covering my wrist, it is the marks that I leave on myself to tell myself how much I needed help, each slit tells me how much I suffered and every time I cut myself, I feel better somehow, it is painful but it doesn't compare to the emotional pain that I have gotten over the years, it doesn't mean anything much when you have been bullied for the past 10 years because you have one blue eye.

"Noona!" That shout made me drop the penknife that is in my hand and looked towards the door, my mind was blank and I went back to reality. What the hell did I just try to do?

I crouched down on the floor, my hands covering my ears as my mind was thrown in a mess and my brother continued to call for me but I couldn't answer him at all. I wasn't in the right state of mind to do anything and my only wish for him is to ignore me and continue to do his things, the best thing for him to do is to get away from me as far as possible. What if I stain him with my unluckiness?

"Noona! Please open the door! Let me know that you are alright, answer me so that you are fine." I'm not fine, why does he not understand that?

Why does he not understand that I hate my life? I hated my life ever since  I have learned what bullying was, it was back in Primary school where there was a talk about bullying and everyone who bullied me was so quiet during that talk as if they were all guilty about this.

I finally understood at that point of time why they were treating me like that, throwing my sandwiches away when I take them out for lunch, them drinking my juice boxes where there is enough for everyone to take and why they all liked calling me names other than the name that my parents have given me.

It was evident that I was destined to get bullied everywhere I go, people are all the same, they are one whole species that fit in one category and I am the odd one out, the prey that everyone would love to have. There is no place for me to go in this world, everyone just seemed to want to get rid of me so that the world will be a better place.

"YeongWon!" I heard an unfamiliar voice but yet it is the voice that I have been looking for the entire time, the voice of the person that I liked even though I have no idea how he looks like. I looked at my window and there was someone at the window waving at me, it is impossible that he is standing like that on the 2nd floor.

Wait for what? Why is he outside the window anyways? I ran towards the window and he was sitting on the shoulders of my younger brother who looked relieved to see me looking alright. Why is he even here?

I opened the window fully knowing how ridiculous the situation is, I have no idea how this even happened. "Hi, Yeongwon! I'm glad that you are doing fine."

"How did you even know where I lived? And you even convinced JinYoung to climb on his shoulders and come to my window like that." I yelled at him. "JinYoung, why did you allow him inside?"

"I... He said that he was your friend and I figured out that he could help me get to your window." I rolled my eyes. "Really, Noona..."

"Get down first, it is so dangerous being at this height," I told him.

"But I can't, my legs have no strength anymore. Help..." My younger brother pleaded and I rolled my eyes one more time. "Noona!" He wobbled a little and Hwang Minhyun is able to topple over.

"Wait right here! I will get down to rescue the two of you, how the hell did you even think of such a dumb idea in the first place?" I rushed out of my room and down the stairs of the tiny mansion which I call it home.