44 part 1

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FIND MYSELF AT YOUR DOOR

JUST LIKE ALL THOSE TIMES BEFORE

I'M NOT SURE HOW I GOT THERE

ALL ROADS THEY LEAD ME HERE


Niamh's house is oppressively hot. Sweat beads on Tuesday's forehead as she navigates its cavernous rooms in an attempt to escape the pounding music in the living room and the twirling bodies of her drama friends as they celebrate their achievements in one final summer house party.

The kitchen is cooler but Tuesday discovers, with a dull sense of shock, that it is occupied:

Candice sits on the kitchen island, Jon in front of her, her hands in his hair, his mouth on hers.

It was inevitable. She'd expected to feel happy for them. Instead she just sort of feels resentful, jealous, alcohol-buzzed brain desperate to get her somewhere she can be alone.

Perhaps booze just makes her mean. It's something to consider.

Without disturbing them, she slips through the back door and into Niamh's huge garden. A couple of people are outside smoking and drinking so Tuesday opts for the patio furniture, hidden in shadow down the side of the house. She sits, the bench cushion cool and slightly damp beneath her.

"They're gross, aren't they?"

Tuesday jumps, heart in her throat. On the other bench, completely concealed by darkness, a phone suddenly lights up the underside of someone's face. Alexis. Tuesday breathes again, shaking her head and smiling at her relief.

"Jon and Candice?" Alexis moves down, sitting beside her. "Cute though."

"Yeah," Tuesday laughs. "I'm happy for them."

"You don't look it."

Tuesday shrugs. "Just jealous."

"Really?" Alexis raises her eyebrows. "Jon doesn't seem like your type, and he's been puppy-dogging Candice for months now. Or is it not him? Candice?"

"No, no..." Tuesday frowns. "Not them, someone else..." She pauses, watching the other people in the garden, their voices a jumbled buzzing. "Does seeing other people together ever make you feel more alone? Or seeing other people happy just make you sadder?"

Alexis' nod is instant and passionate. "All the time. Have you met me? I'm the Bitter Bitch Queen."

"I'm trying to be a better person," Tuesday says, unsure why she's saying anything more at all.

"Yeah," Alexis laughs quietly. "Me too, me too. Not easy, is it?"

"I don't know."

Above them both, the stars stretch like freckles across the wide cheeks of the sky, each one like a layer of its own, beyond which she can see millions more. Infinite.

"You can see the stars here," Tuesday points out.

"Yep."

"That's weird."

"Why?"

"I thought you could only see them in the countryside," Tuesday says, looking across at her. "Air pollution or something."

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