Terrible Things

Chapter 26 - Then

February 1st

4 years ago

Taehyung's soft breaths fill the room, his small body curled up on the couch in my studio. Although it resembled more of a playroom now - toys strewn across the floor and piled high in a toy box pressed against the wall.

Slowly but surely, as Taehyung spent more and more time with me in here, he was taking over the room.

I don't really mind it, though. And while I'd never admit it aloud, I liked seeing him getting more comfortable in here - with me - so I can't complain.

Not that I would anyway, what with Taehyung's confusion these days.

Every day he wonders more where Jimin is, why he never spends any time with him.

I want to reassure him, to tell him that Jimin loves him more than anything. He's just busy, I want to say.

But the words always die on my tongue, drying up before they can get pass my lips.

Because the confusion wasn't only Taehyung's - it was mine too.

In reality I have no idea what was going on with Jimin anymore than my son does.

Ever since Taehyung's party Jimin's been distant. He's always going out to appointments, but won't tell me what they're for or why I can't go with him.

And even when he is home, he might as well be anywhere else. He spends most of his time in bed and although he sleeps almost constantly, the bags below his eyes never get any lighter. He makes excuses as to why he can't eat dinner with Taehyung and I - his favorite one being that he ate before.

As if I wouldn't be able to tell that that was a lie. I don't know if he thinks I don't notice the weight he's lost in the past month, but I know it can't be healthy to skip that many meals. On the rare occasions that I can force him to the table, I watch as he moves his food around his plate, not really touching it except for a few tiny bites just to please me.

Sometimes I'll come down from putting Taehyung to bed and I'll find him in the living room, curled up on the couch and staring at the wall, this look of pure hopelessness etched into his features.

Those are the worst times - the times when he lets his mask slip and I can see the things he's hiding from me. I've asked him about it multiple times over the weeks and every time he brushes me off, telling me it's no big deal or that he's just tired.

I stare at my computer monitor, right into the eyes of a smiling Jimin. He beams at me from inside my editing program and I can't help but wonder where that smile went. Just when did it start to slip away from me? How long has it been since Jimin smiled at me like that?

When did this Jimin, all smiles and loving life, turn into the one that looked like he couldn't bear the weight of the world anymore?

And why didn't I notice it sooner?

A quiet knock sounds on the door, Jimin's head poking inside. He gives me a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Where's Tae?" he asks quietly. I spin in my chair, pointing towards where our child sleeps on the couch, the stuffed sun he got from Hoseok cradled in his arms. A genuine smile spreads across Jimin's face at the sight and relief washes through me at the show of emotion.

It had been so long since I saw him so genuine that I almost want to cry at the sight of it.

"What's up?" I ask, standing. I bounce from foot to foot, feeling ridiculous for the nervousness coursing through my veins. Jimin and I were married, for crying out loud. What was there for me to be nervous about?