Chasing Shadows

07 Falling

R E A G A N 

"Reagan!" A voice yelled at me distantly. I groaned and pulled the covers up over my head. "Reagan!" It yelled again. As I drifted into consciousness, I recognized it. My mother. Sighing, I sat up and called back.

"Yeah, Mom?"

She didn't answer. Of course. Grumbling, I left my room and walked downstairs to the kitchen. Despite it being Saturday, my mother was dressed in a white pencil skirt, blazer, and heels. She looked almost like a goddess, with gold jewelry adorning her tanned skin, her necklace dripping over her blouse elegantly.

I glanced at her left hand. There was no ring. "What's up?"

"How was your party?" She asked, taking a sip of what I assumed was black coffee from her mug. It could have been wine though. God, I hoped it wasn't wine already. I looked at her for a moment, unsure of what she meant. Did she know I had come home past curfew? Was she getting ready to ground me?

"It was nice," I said cautiously. A tight smile passed over her lips.

"That's good." I could tell that she had some underlying motive here; my mother was not the type of woman who cared if I had fun at a party or not.

"Um. Yeah." I replied. She studied my face.

"Grab my purse from the closet." She commanded suddenly, and I obeyed. I handed it to her, watching as she dipped her manicured fingers into its mouth. As she pulled out her wallet, I felt my confusion growing steadily.

"Here." She handed me a small pile of twenties.

"What's this for?" I didn't take the money, just looked at her hand with a dumb expression.

"Can't a mother give her daughter a few bucks? Spending money? Money for lunch? Use it for whatever you like."

I could tell that she was trying to make her voice sound warm, but it was so unnatural that it just sounded creepy. I looked at the proffered money once again, almost in disbelief. Did she really think that she could buy me? I was already on her side, but that didn't mean I wanted to testify against my dad in court, or mediation, or whatever happened when people got divorced. Really, I just wanted them to fix things.

"Thanks," I said quietly, taking the money. I figured it was better to take it than argue. My mother would win any argument I tried to have against her. There was a reason why she was a formidable force in any courtroom. "Are you going in to work today?"

"No." Her smile disappeared from her face, and I suddenly saw something close behind her eyes. I realized that she was preparing herself. Barring herself from emotion. It impressed me, in a way, the strength my mother had. "Your father and I are meeting with our lawyers today." She rolled her eyes and gave a small, hard laugh. "He hired a real idiot."

I felt uncomfortable; I didn't want to hear about anything that had to do with their divorce, as much as I knew that I needed to accept it.

"Is Dad here?" I asked, looking slowly around the kitchen as though he might appear any moment.

"No." She sniffed.

"Where is he?"

"I have no idea." She waved her hand dismissively. "And frankly, I don't care. He made his choice, Reagan. He chose to abandon this family. Now, we need to make choices of our own." I watched as she downed the rest of her coffee. She swept down and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. As she did, I smelled alcohol on her breath. I wanted to ask if she was drinking, wanted to scream at her to stop, but I knew it was pointless. I knew that there was nothing I could do to make things better. Not for her, not for me, not for Dad. "Will you be home when I get back?"