"Come back to me."
~*~
Nang nakauwi ako sa bahay ay sinalubong agad ako ni Sebastian ng mga sumbat.
"Who was that? You really had the audacity to cheat when I have given you everything?! I can't believe you are this selfish, Sylvia! We have a daughter! We're already a family! How can you not think of Sara?!"
Unti-unting wala akong naririnig sa pinagsasasabi ni Sebastian. Nagsimula akong tumunganga. Ang nasa isip ko lang ay si Lucio at ang katotohanan na wala na talaga siya sa buhay ko ng permanente. Hindi ko na siya makikita kailanman. Even if I do breakup with Seb, hindi pa rin ako tatanggapin ni Lucio. I lied to him and I broke his heart.
Wala na akong pag-asa maging masaya pa.
——
Tatlong taon ang lumipas at nagkaanak kami ni Sebastian ng kambal. He played with the conscience card when he wanted to have sex with me. He would tell me, "You slept with that Lucio but you can't even have sex with your husband? Your husband?" Lagi niyang nilalagyan ng diin ang 'husband' dahil gusto niyang ipamukha sa akin na isa akong malanding babae.
Pilitin ko man maging masaya para sa mga anak namin ay inaamin kong mas lalo lang naging miserable ang buhay namin.
Inaatake na ako ng malala ng asthma. I inherited this from my grandmother who was an asthmatic. Alam kong asthmatic din ako magmula noong bata pa lang pero hindi naman ako inaatake ng todo. Simpleng ubo lang at nawawala kaagad pagkatapos ng isa hanggang dalawang araw. Pero ngayon ay grabe na ang pag-ubo ko at hindi na ako makahinga ng maayos. Umaabot pa ito hanggang isang linggo. I have medications but with all these stress, especially with Sebastian, the meds became useless.
Sebastian was a good husband but since that cheating incident, he started drinking irresponsibly. Kahit nasa trabaho ay umiinom ito kaya sinisante siya.
"You got fired because you're drinking even at work! I told you to stop! Why don't you listen to me?!" Sigaw ko. Wala na akong pake kung marinig man ito ng mga kapitbahay namin.
"Why- why should I l-listen to you? All the words that come from your mouth are- are filthy!" Nauutal niyang sabi. Nakainom na naman 'to.
"I'm damn tired, Seb! I'm tired!" Nagsimula na akong umiyak. Hindi ko na kaya. Humihinga na ako ng malalim dahil hindi ako halos makahinga. I should stop crying. This could make my asthma worse.
"Tired? Huh, all- all of this is your fault! I became the- the person you hate the most because of you! I'm like this because of- of you!" Turo-turo niya sa akin.
"I've said sorry a lot of times, Seb! What else do you want me to do?! I've done everything!" Napasabunot na ako sa sarili ko. Sobrang pagod na ako.
"You may have done everything but- but," I gritted my teeth when his face went closer to mine, "you cannot change the fact- the fact that you cheated and you- you are a slut!" Napapikit ako nang dinuraan niya ang mukha ko.
Lumabas si Sebastian ng bahay at naiwan akong nakatayo habang nakapikit pa rin ang mga mata. I wiped his disgusting saliva on my face and started crying once again.
Pumunta ako sa kwarto nina Sara, at ang mag-kambal ko na sina Savanna at Syril. Sila na lang ang rason kung bakit pinipili ko pang mabuhay. What Lucio would think also crosses my mind whenever I make a decision. He's a part of me now.
Wala akong makausap sa mga problema ko kaya nagsimula akong magsulat ng mga sulat para kay Lucio. May kutob ako na itatapon lang niya ang mga ito pero gagawin ko pa rin. Alam kong may mali pa rin sa ginagawa ko ngayon but writing to him is the only thing that could prevent me from going mad.
