But It's Better If You Love Me

Battle Scars

Ryan's POV

I woke up in the middle of the night and sat up. I turned my phone on to see what time it was. My phone read 2:30. I groaned and threw my legs over the side of the bed. I rested my elbows on my knees and placed my face in my hands. Brendon was doing his snoring thing again. I just ignored it.

I sighed loudly and walked to the bathroom. I wasn't feeling well. I felt sick, or like I needed to be sick. I stood in front if the mirror and just stared at myself. I hated the scars I had.

I looked down at my wrists and just stared. I closed my eyes and sighed shakily. I glanced over at the razor I had the other week, but I stopped myself from picking it up for Brendon's sake. I looked at the forming scars on my body and face from two weeks ago. I felt tears stinging my eyes and I fought them back. My skin is so ruined. I'm not beautiful. If anything, I far from it. I honestly don't know what Brendon sees in me. My life is fucked up. But then he came along. He made me think that my life is actually worth living. I'm thankful to have crossed paths with him.

I heard movement in the bedroom and saw Brendon sitting up rubbing his face. I quickly wiped my eyes and walked back into the bedroom.

He looked up at me with one eye. "Hey, is everything okay?" He rubbed my arm.

I nodded and sat down. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep." I laid my head on his shoulder. He placed his hand in my hair and kissed my head. "Bren, can I ask you something?"

He nodded and yawned. "Yeah..." He twirled my hair in his fingers.

"The day before school started a few weeks ago," He cut me off.

"Mhm. What about it?"

I continued. "Well, the night before that, I was gonna uhm...c-commit suicide, because I didn't wanna have to make new friends. This is my second time moving, and I've realized making friends isn't easy. And I was tired of my life. My life is fucked up. But then, I met you. You were the only person to even speak to me that day. And you're still the only person that acknowledges me. I'm thankful I didn't kill myself that night. Otherwise, I wouldn't've met the best thing that's ever came into my life." I looked up at him and kissed his jaw.

He was grinning and blushing bright red. "Ryan...I hope you never have to feel that way ever again. You're too perfect for that."

"How can I be perfect when I have these scars all over my body." I sat up and placed my head in my hands.

He laid his head on my shoulder and kissed softly. "Ryan...you're always gonna be perfect to me. I don't want you to change the way you are. Besides the cutting. But, I can help you with that. Think of your scars as...battle wounds. This is just a display of everything you've been through. It also shows that you survived. And that makes me proud of you and everything you've done. None of these scars are your fault. So don't feel bad about your body. It's gorgeous." He kissed my neck gently and held me.

A tear dropped from my lashes. I smiled and pulled him in for a hug. "I love you. I'd probably be dead without you." I kissed him slowly and softly.

He kissed back and smiled. "I love you always. Now let's get some sleep. We got school tomorrow." He kissed me once more on my lips and laid back down.

I laid down and he scooted towards me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed his lips to the back of my neck. I smiled and placed my hand over his. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

The best sleep I've ever gotten was since I've been with Brendon.