But It's Better If You Love Me

You're A Regular Decorated Emergency

Ryan's POV

Ugh, I feel like hell. Although, I have felt worse. Whether someone else did it to me, or I did it.

I'd rather not be depressed right now knowing I can't do anything about it. Other than the fact that I can't touch or hold or even speak to Brendon, I really have no reason to be depressed.

I could hear everything that went on. I wanted to give Brendon some sign that I was okay. I didn't feel okay, but whatever.

I wanted to grab his face, get close to him, and tell how much I loved his stupid ass, then kiss him like he's never been kissed before.

I felt Brendon's presence return back to the room after he did his tantrum. He sat down and grabbed my hand lacing our fingers. I smiled to myself, on the inside, and attempted to squeeze his hand the best I could. Apparently, it didn't work because He didn't do anything back. It was worth a shot...I guess

Y'know, laying here in this hospital bed, knowing my life is on the line, doesn't seem worth it. Maybe I want to die. Maybe it's my time to go. I could never do such a thing to Bren, but I don't see what my life is worth anymore. He is my life. He is the only reason why I haven't killed myself, but after I get out of here...I'll never be able to look at myself the same way ever again...I've ruined Brendon Urie's life by talking to him that first day and getting involved. He'll never be the same...

I'm such a regular decorated emergency...