59 | g u i l t

3.5K 185 216
                                    

EVERYTHING HURTS

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

EVERYTHING HURTS. Pain ricochets through my skull and crescendos from each side. Shards of glass are embedded in my chest, gashing at the essence of my flesh. Agony cries through my soul. Every limb in my body is quivering and I can't stop it. The roar of students in the cafeteria is deafening. I grab at my hair and pull and pull until my scalp cries in pain.

It was rape.

Rape.

Rape.

The agony in my soul liquifies into pitiful tears and springs to my eyes as I glare at the brown tabletop. Lightning shoots up my clenched jaw as I hold back a sob. Pain rips through my palm as my charm punctures my palm. Imps dig their talons into my flesh and slither slick tongues into my ears as cruel words echo through the crevices of my mind.

Rapist.

Disgusting rapist.

"It wasn't like that." I squeeze my eyes shut and try to conjure up the memories of these past few months. I can remember that first night so well. The night she kissed me. The night she wanted me. Every time she clung to me.

Because she wanted to forget Mason.

"No." I press my palms into my eyes. That day comes to mind. The day she told me she didn't want to keep sleeping with me. After I had convinced her not to stop, she seemed so different afterward. Is Amber right? Did I force her to say yes? Is it really the same? The horror on her face when she found Mason a mere floor below is ever clear.

'I didn't want to, I swear.'

'It was a mistake.'

Her anger then is so reflective of the kind she carried last week. Even then, had I been tearing her apart? What made her come back? What convinced her not to be upset with me anymore? If I've been hurting her since that day, how did she find it in herself to keep being with me?

I just wanted her to love me. I wanted her to return these vibrant emotions inside me. I am nothing without her. The girls haven't even tried to talk to me since Pepper broke things off. Did she tell them? Do they think I'm a rapist now? Pain constricts my chest. I try to forget the look of distraught and disgust on Amber's face when I told her the details of these past few months.

It was rape.

"No." I would never want to do that to her. I would never hurt her in that way. My love for Pepper is fathomless. Explaining these emotions inside me with mere words is impossible.

Now she hates me.

"Lucas?"

There's barely enough energy inside me to peer beyond my hands as Mason slides into the seat in front of me. My stomach clenches and my throat dries. Mason, the boy who's girlfriend I slept with. The girl I wanted so desperately to keep from him. The boy who made her smile with stars in her eyes when I've brought her anguish and hatred. Cotton fills my mouth. I look down at the table again, unable to witness the worry in his dark eyes. The pounding of my heart increases from his nearness. If he finds out what happened between Pepper and I, he might literally kill me.

LimerenceWhere stories live. Discover now