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MY SECOND TIME AT THE SUPPORT GROUP is not nearly as stressful as the first

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MY SECOND TIME AT THE SUPPORT GROUP is not nearly as stressful as the first. Maybe it's because I arrive with Cory this time, or because I've already been here. Either way, the anxiety that was once burrowed in my body has eased itself.

Cory, I realize, has the ability to ease tense situations with his oblivious personality. It's like whenever I'm upset with myself, he seems to think I'm upset with him and apologizes profusely. He gets so apologetic that I can't help but find it amusingly similar to Pepper. Part of me feels bad for the kid. I don't know him that well, but the biggest thing I do know is that he's been assaulted sometime in his life. Something deeply personal that I almost feel uncomfortable knowing. When I think about how kind and conciliatory he is, I can only wonder if it's some sort of cover for how he really feels inside.

The new head of today's group is a guy named Jeffery. He started the day off with his story about his emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend and tasked us with an exercise to use our voices. Being vocal and standing up for what we do and don't want.

The moment he announced it, I immediately longed for Pepper to be here. If anyone needs to learn how to stand up for themselves, it's her.

Every time I reminisce about our past relationship, I realize it was a series of her doing what I wanted. Us being what I wanted. The moment she said she didn't want to date me, I shouldn't have begged or pushed her.

Choice.

A person's choice...their free will is the most important thing to them.

Cory stares up at me, face red and lips pressed into a tight line. He looks absolutely terrified to be assertive with me like the exercise requires. Once again, it's like I don't belong here. I shouldn't be practicing this exercise because I'm the one who forced that person to be in this position in the first place. Still, I can't just sit and watch Cory struggle the way he is.

I scratch my neck and inch closer so I can lower my voice. "Just imagine someone's asking you to go out somewhere. This place...you really don't want to go. You hate it there, but they really want to do it. Just...reject that idea."

"Okay." He drags in a deep breath and exhales, "I don't want to go..."

"Come on. Give it a little more heart."

His shoulders rise and he puffs out his chest. His delicate voice hardens as he declares, "No. I don't want to."

"Perfect. That was great." I simper and nudge his shoulder. "Now, imagine like a girlfriend or boyfriend or anyone wants to be with you and you want to reject them."

His gaze lowers and he holds his arms around himself. "It doesn't matter." He shrugs and the fragility of his voice falls to the ground. "It's not like they ever listen. That's why I never understand this lesson. Sometimes it doesn't matter how harshly you say no, people won't listen to you."

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