Black Heart

11. The Haunted Dreams

***

THE DEMON'S WOODS THAT LAY before me was the first inclination that I managed to drift asleep. It was as I remembered it. The dark, tangle of overgrown trees and branches that looked like talons desperately reaching for something. The cold air that smelled of fear, pulsing with malevolence and thirst for blood. In the distance, the air howled with half-heard screams of poor souls that wandered too far. I've seen this before. The demon's woods, dark and primeval, haunted my dreams a thousand nights until the day came when I finally learned how to use a talisman.

The thing that I feared was that it felt like home. It made me long for it, seducing me into thinking that I belonged.

"Little girl."

I spun so fast my foot almost caught. The demon stood before me, becoming the object of my nightmares once again. Why had I forgotten to wear a talisman tonight?

"Indeed, why did you forget little girl?" the demon asked.

"I am no longer a little girl," I replied. I stared at his face, trying to etch it into my memory and burn it in my mind, but just like the thousand attempts back then, I failed. His features left my memory before I even had the chance to remember him. I only had the vague sense of seeing a pale face. What was the colour of his eyes? I could not remember. He was tall. And he had a strong frame. The only things that I could remember was the empty hole in his chest, a gaping chasm that didn't seem to end and the sweet, sweet hum of his voice that rippled over my skin and kissed my ears.

"Were you trying to invite me, little girl?" he purred.

"Never."

"Liar." He chuckled.

I swallowed. It wasn't true. I did not want to see him. After all these years I wouldn't want to see the most terrifying existence that haunted me relentlessly.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I don't understand why you still lie to yourself. My heart beats inside you, you know." He stepped closer, watching me try to memorize the face that disappeared. "With me, there are no deceptions. With me, you can be your true self. I know everything."

It was my turn to say liar.

He laughed and reached for me. I flinched, feeling his cold skin caress my cheeks. The gesture was almost affectionate and yet I couldn't erase the sinking feeling that there was nothing sweet in his movements, rather it was how a feral animal would try to lure its prey.

"You're lonely tonight, Elizaveta."

I moved away from his touch and turned my back, not wanting him to see the emotions that flickered, the tears that threatened to fall. He did not try to come closer. "You know nothing."

"You are mistaken, sweetling. I know everything. For instance," I heard him shift but I resisted the urge to look back. "I know that you are sad and angry and betrayed. I know that you long to hurt someone, to find a kind of retribution. I also know that you have this kind of attraction to the young general. His confidence gives you hope. What else? You feel alone. So alone. That is why you sought me, isn't it?"

I clenched my fists so hard I was certain I drew blood. He knew. He always knew.

"Of course I do," he said, answering my thoughts. "But you must not feel lonely, Eizaveta. The world can betray you but I would never leave your side."

The words sounded like a lover's declaration. But I knew him well enough. It meant that no matter where I go, I couldn't escape him. No matter where I ran, he kept me on a chain I can never hope to break.

"Leave," I bit out. He's lying. He says that to rattle your nerves.

"I told you there is no deception between us." I heard his voice behind me, his breath fanning on my neck. My heart pounded with anxiety and a kind of emotion I couldn't place. His cold voice wrapped itself around me like a cocoon.

"Sleep well, Elizaveta," he said gleefully. I shuddered as he pressed his lips on my neck in a kiss, sending waves of icy coldness along my spine. "I will welcome you when you find me."

No. I want to tell him that when I find him, the general will capture him. I wanted to say that his freedom will come to an end, that his constant pursuit to torment me will cease. If not, then I will make sure he will never have this heart again.

I turned around to an empty space. He was gone.

***

When I woke up, the sun streamed through the window. I heard a choir of soldiers singing some sort of military song and the systematic thudding of boots on deck. I sat up groggily, rubbing my eyes. For the first time in my life, I had a good sleep. Though the dream was relatively unpleasant, my body felt rested. I stretched out like a cat, yawning. The lace curtains fastened into the canopy high above me was effective in blocking most of the light.

"Good morning."

I shrieked. I whipped the curtain open to find General Azra sitting on the velvet cushion near the fireplace. His eyes were bloodshot, his face scowling. I surveyed him anxiously. Few of the buttons of his nightshirt were opened, his golden hair in wild tangles. His sabre sat on his thigh like a pet he adored. Contrary to my situation, he had a troubled night.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

He answered by holding his blade up. It glowed brightly, its bluish light casting a strange glow. I stared at it. It burned so intensely like blue flame.

"I missed my morning run," he said matter-of-factly. "And breakfast."

I raised a brow. "And it's my fault?"

"Yes. I woke up in the middle of the night when Aongall burned my skin." He gestured to his sabre. I didn't have time to ask why he slept next to the blade when he continued, "Usually, this happens when a demon is nearby. I sprang into action, woke up several of my soldiers and tried to track the demon. Everyone was confused. I was confused. How come something so ferocious managed to land in the ship unnoticed?"

"Imagine my surprise when it led me to you. We searched your room but there was no trace of the demon. I tried to wake you up, even slapped you but you didn't. You slept like the dead. You did not move. You did not breathe. I was convinced that somehow, throughout your sleep, you died."

He stared at me with his accusing glare. I gaped at him, unsure of what to respond.

"When morning came, I thought of how I would write to your family about your death. I didn't know how to explain what caused your demise. I was prepared to order the captain to sail back to Izarra. Saints, Elizaveta, what happened?"

"I-I don't know," I stammered. I truly had no idea what happened to me during the night. I had the nagging suspicion that my dream had something to do with his sabre acting up. Was it possible that somehow, the demon's presence materialized every time he visited me in my dreams?

"I thought the sabre recognized me before," I said, remembering our first meeting when his sabre knew about my nature. "Why didn't you think that it was me all along?"

He ran a hand through his hair, frustration and relief mingling in his tone. "It's different. Before, Aongall's light is faint. Now, it glowed so strongly it burned my skin. That only happens when an actual demon is nearby."

Certainly, Aongall glowed brighter than ever. I gazed at it with admiration, at the same time feeling wry that this blade thinks I was a deadly enemy. Slowly, it dimmed into a faint sparkle.

General Azra sighed. "Whatever it is, I'm glad you're alive and well." He stood up, shooting me a worried glance before shaking his head. "Have breakfast with me in the deck."

I watched him leave, wondering if it was a request or an order. Knowing him, it was most likely the latter.