My Little Light

Beauty Is Pain {11}

Sadie and I had driven to my house to get ready for tonight's party at Carter's house.

"Should I wear my hair down again?" I ask Sadie, feeling adventurous.

"Sure but here," she hands me a curling iron, "Curl the ends, trust me."

I do as she says, and grasp the rubber bottom of the curling iron.

"So you and Jax..." Sadie says as I flinch and burn my arm.

"Ow!" I exclaim, dropping the curling iron.

"So he makes you really nervous." Sadie says, winking at me.

"Sadie I have a massive burn on my arm now!" I say, more concerned about my well being.

"Beauty is pain my dear, now more about you and Jax!" She says.

I try to ignore the burn, and bend over to pick up the iron from the floor, being much more careful this time.

"I don't know Sadie, it was so weird we were supposedly cuddling as friends," I say following myself in the mirror, putting curls in all the right places.

I don't like Jax.

Jax is off limits.

He's not the type of guy for me, at all.

We are too close to ever date.

But it was weird.

"Sweetie there is no such thing, he's totally into you!" She exclaims, adding another layer of lip gloss to her lips.

"Sadie, he's a hoe, it was nothing." I say, finally finishing my hair.

That is true.

"Whatever you say," she adds, rolling her eyes dramatically.

She doesn't even fight it because deep down she knew it was true, and I began to wonder if she thought he would play me like a violin.

That's the exact reason why I try and convince myself that the only outcome would be hurt. I would end up hurt, like many situations.

I didn't want to sound like I was feeling sorry for myself, but I deserved this feeling as my mind traced over all the shitty situations that life has put me in.

Moral of the story, Jax Anderson and I would never have a story like that because he was well Jax, and I am me.

It's not worth it. I am too smart to ever put myself in that situation.

Sadie was wearing a light pink jumper, with white lace accents, and her hair in a twist, yet it was still down.

I was wearing black high wasted, and ripped jeans. with a lacy white top from Sadie, that was well, fitting.

She picked it out for me so I felt bad not wearing it.

I adjusted the fit of the shirt, and slipped into a pair of heels, and grabbed my phone. Sadie was already wearing her blinged out sandals.

Heels were always an easy thing for me, ever since I was little I would wear my moms. Sometimes when she turned the corner, I would sneak into the expensive ones. Some tell me it's from my balance as a dancer, but they really aren't that hard. It just came easy I guess.

Sadie always objected to heels. She calls them un-needed sources of pain and tears, and in some ways she was completely right.

But something about them gave me a bit of confidence and hell I needed all I can get, so if it takes some tall shoes then so be it.

After all, nothing could beat the pain of pointe shoes.

Ugh, don't even want to think about those death machines.

"Ready? You look amazing!" I say to Sadie, admiring my beautiful best friend.

"As do you," she says to me as we make the executive decision to head down stairs.

My mind trails off to Jax again. I can't get the boy of my mind, and that's not good.

He was always at Carter's parties, nothing was new, I try and convince myself.

I couldn't sit there and lie.

I was nervous because of last night, the feeling that rushed over me when he held me. Something powerful controlled that moment, like it had been needing to happen for a long time now.

I needed someone to slap me in the face, to tell me those thoughts were nonsense.

Sadie flashes me a small bottle of booze from her purse, to which she drops back in.

I don't know why she acted like it was so secret, my mom wasn't home, another long shift. The mental shrug adds onto the thought.

I was going to go to this party like it was no different from the rest, Jax was my friend and that was all.

I would've tried to convince myself more, but Sadie distracted me as she waved her hands in front of my eyes like a mad women.

"Damn we really should've pre-gamed," I say earning a giggle from Sadie.

"And this is why we are friends Kate," she says, smiling wistfully at me.