The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon, Leonard and Beverly

Beverley: It was so nice of you to come all the way down to the airport to pick me up.

Sheldon: No trouble at all.

Leonard: I drove, Mother. I’m driving now.

Beverley: Yes, dear. Mommy’s proud. I’ve been meaning to thank you for your notes on my paper disproving quantum brain dynamic theory.

Sheldon: My pleasure. For a non-physicist, you have a remarkable grasp of how electric dipoles in the brain’s water molecules could not possibly form a Bose condensate.

Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. When did you send my mom notes on a paper?

Sheldon: August 16th. Right after her carpal tunnel surgery.

Beverley: Oh, did I thank you for the flowers?

Sheldon: You did.

Beverley: I don’t really like flowers.

Sheldon: Neither do I, but it’s the social convention.

Beverley: It is, isn’t it?

Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?

Beverley: Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.

Leonard: No, I heard that.

Beverley: Then what was all that wait, wait, wait about?

Leonard: I just don’t understand why he knows more about your life than I do.

Beverley: Well, I would assume it’s because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interest and respect, while you avoid me, due to unresolved childhood issues.

Sheldon: It’s what we think caused your narcissistic personality disorder. We discussed it at length during our last video chat. Although how we got onto the subject of you is baffling.

Beverley: Yes, but we are on the subject, so I’m obliged to ask, Leonard, how are you?

Leonard: Fine, Mom. How are you?

Beverley: Mmm, menopausal.

Leonard: Now I’m less fine.

Beverley: Have you heard your brother has gotten engaged?

Leonard: No. Sheldon, why didn’t you tell me?

Sheldon: My bad. I did send a gift from both of us.

Beverley: She’s a remarkable girl. The youngest appeals court judge in New Jersey and a two-time Olympic bronze medallist.

Leonard: You must be very happy.

Beverley: Why? I’m not marrying her. So, how about you? Are you seeing anyone interesting?

Sheldon: Well, I’m not sure about interesting, but…

Leonard: Not the time, Sheldon.

Sheldon: Very well. Shall we switch topics to Isaac Newton v. Gottfried Leibniz?

Beverley: It’s all right, Sheldon. I will just pretend that Leonard’s not withholding information. Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioural tics that accompanied your learning to masturbate.

Sheldon: Isn’t she brilliant, Leonard? How I envy you.