You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

Liar...Part 3

So, I have to drop a quick note and say 40 chapters!  Wow! I got here quicker than I thought.  A big thank you to everyone who has read my story.  I just hit a 1000 reads and was astonished at how many people have read some or all my efforts.    THANK YOU!

Now back to our regularly scheduled chapter.....

Brian's POV

I just held him.  And listened.  He was saying so many things to me.  It was overwhelming.  

My heart broke as he told me about his Father's abuse towards him and his Mother.  He hadn't mentioned his sister so I hoped she had been spared the horror.   What a horrible thing to endure as a child!  I have never had a moment when my father had been physical with me or made me feel afraid of him.  I couldn't imagine living in a house that had that much fear and anger.  My family tried to solve problems with words....of course, sometimes....it was silence.  I used to think the silence was terrible but now it didn't seem so bad.

I kept trying to process this information and realized I couldn't wrap my head around it as I had not experienced anything like it.  Well, until now.  I had to admit to myself that when he was attacking me I felt fear.  I was afraid of him.  But I found solace when he explained how he felt this past abuse triggered this in him and that this is not who he wants to be.  He seemed aware and his desire to not repeat this made me hope.  Am I being naïve?  I don't know.  

So my head began a struggle with my heart over what I should do.  I needed to get some space to think. I needed to let him finish what he had to say and I would ask for some time to consider it all.

And then....he said those words....

"I know we have said 'I love you' to each other. I thought I knew what that meant. Today, when I thought that might be taken away, it shook me to know how much I really love you Brian. I know we haven't been together a long time, but I can't imagine not being with you. I don't want to be without you and I hope what has happened won't change that..."

All I could think about was how I felt when I was in Tenerife and I couldn't be with him.  I remember that loneliness and longing for him.  The emptiness.  He was right.  We haven't been together a long time, but every moment has meant so much to me.  He means so much to me.   Being home after that separation showed me how much I need him.  And he needs me.  Now, more than ever.  I can't let him deal with all this on his own.   My love is stronger than my fear.  I hope.    

"Roger.....I forgive you...."

An hour later....   

Our clothes were piled in the corner of the bathroom floor and Roger was sitting between my legs in a tub of cool water.  The summer heat wave had warmed the apartment up so the cold bath was refreshing.  The sweat of last night's show and the stressful events that followed left us both wanting to wash away the grime and regret.  

Roger had finished cleaning himself up and was facing me in the tub.  His long hair was slicked back on his head and he was poring a small jug of water over me to rinse my hair.  I closed my eyes while the shampoo ran down my face.  It was soothing to have him do this for me.  It was clear he felt contrite about what happened.  He was purposefully careful and tender with me.  While I loved the attention it had a string of sadness wrapped around it.  I didn't want this and hoped it would pass soon.  

Roger put the cup on the side of the tub once my hair was clean and leaned towards me.   He lifted my right arm and looked at it closely.  I winced inside as I knew he was studying the marks of his hands on me from last night.  He bent down and started to kiss the marks up my arm.  The pain in his eyes hurt more than those bruises ever could.  I gently pulled my arm away.

"Roger, don't....."      I looked him in the eye and gave him a tender smile.  His face softened and I realized I wanted to kiss him.  I hadn't touched him since before the concert.  Kissing him now would tell him I was ok.    I leaned towards him to reach his face.  

There was a loud knock on the bathroom door

"Sorry guys but I have to pee!" Freddie bellowed at the door.   He opened it and came in.  Roger and I both shot our hands down to cover ourselves while Fred flipped the toilet lid and sighed.   "Ahhhhhh....that's better!"  Fred finished up and I waited for him to leave but he rinsed his hands at the sink and put the toilet seat down.  He sat down on it and crossed his legs.  He leaned on his hand supported by his elbow and looked straight at us.  I kept my hands on my crotch.

"Uh...Fred!  Care to leave?" Roger asked him.  We were both puzzled why he was planted on the toilet.  

"No Rog, I'm not leaving!" he declared.  Roger looked annoyed.  I was curious what he was up to more than anything.  

"While I have you both as a captive audience, so to speak, I want to talk about last night.  And before you have anything to say, you will hear me out!"  he had a stern look and his tone told me this was serious.  

"Go ahead," I said quietly. 

"Boys....I am assuming that since you are in that tub together and no one is bleeding that you have worked things out."   I nodded and Roger did the same.

"Well...I am glad you settled your differences.  Now...I need to tell you I have some bad news.  Mike has quit the band!  He told me last night as we left that your fight was it for him.  He hated the public display and seemed confused about what exactly the fight was about.   You lucked out boys!  Mike wasn't the best bassist around so his loss is not the end of the world.  Your real luck is that I stopped your tirade last night before you announced to everyone, including him, that you are together."   I winced as I remembered our shouting match in front of the stage after the show.  I could see Roger recalling the words said and his face paled a bit.  

"Yes, boys!  You almost outed yourselves in public!  Now, I could give a shit what you do to each other and what personal business is between you.  I do care about you both - but you need to remember that what you do affects me.  We are in a band together so our reputations and behavior matter.  That counts for me as well.  So, as band members, are you going to do what it takes to succeed and or jeopardize it all?"

I knew what Fred meant.  He was right.  If we wanted to be big, this couldn't get out.  We couldn't be open about us.  And we almost blew it last night.

I looked at Roger and his face told me he knew the same thing I did.  He nodded to me and I answered.

Yes, Fred....we'll do what it takes."  

"Good.......now let's find ourselves a fucking bass player!"