Love Mortality (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Part 3: Breaks (Even Angels Need Them)

It seemed to Kai more people died in the passing weeks than he had ever witnessed in all his time as an angel. Or maybe that was his mind deceiving him into not thinking about Kyungsoo and how helpless their situation was. Or perhaps his mind wasn't deceiving him at all and he just wanted to believe that more souls needed him so he could avoid seeing Kyungsoo and being reminded about how hopeless they were.

But keeping busy wasn't the hard part; in his profession, there was no shortage of work to be done. The difficult part was not thinking about him, which happened all the time; on his way to and from missions, the rare moments of rest he got, all the times in between and around. This was especially true whenever he visited the man's home country. His almost instinctual urge to go see him, even if it was just peeking into the window like he did back before all this started, seemed to get stronger the closer he was to him.

Kai hated it. Even more, he hated denying it.

Still, that was no excuse for him to sulk and be lazy and Xiumin made sure he knew that. He told him it was a sign it wasn't meant to be and to spare himself the agony and move on. Kai wanted him to be right; he knew he was even. But putting his words into action proved to be harder than anticipated.

It was relieving to see Jonghyun on gate duty when Kai arrived with a soul. The atmosphere always felt a little calmer when he was around, which was most likely why he was assigned to this class. He welcomed the soul and thanked Kai. There was no break for him afterward, though, as he received another calling. Maybe it wasn't his mind at all; maybe humans really were dying more.

He sighed and went off again to collect the next soul.

-----------

Kai finally had a moment to rest, yet he couldn't even seem to close his eyes without seeing him. He sat up and laid his face in his hands, distressed. He questioned why he was even being like this. He could simply explain to Kyungsoo that their relationship could never go beyond the friends label. Surely he would understand. He might be mad, of course, but if there was one thing Kai was good at, it was calming down scared and upset souls.

Just as his confidence began to reach the service, Kai frowned and sank back down. He didn't want to be just friends with him and that's why he was so worked up over this. He wanted to hold Kyungsoo's hand, kiss him, hold him, and show him just how in love with him he was. But how could he help souls if he was too busy fulfilling his own desires? He groaned and laid down. This was definitely not as simple as he wanted to be.

----------

The exhaustion was really taking a toll on him. How many was that? 60? 70? 80? Maybe it was closer to 100. He lost count honestly. Doing this job was his first nature; he was created for this purpose and this purpose only. So, why was he so tired?

"Thank you, Kai," Jonghyun said, his smile kind as always. He wondered if he ever got tired. If he did, he never showed it. Maybe Kai should aim to be more like him. "Are you feeling well?" he asked him next. Kai turned around, surprised. The Angels of Death and the "Welcoming Committee", as the other angels liked to joke, never really had any other interactions besides words of gratitude. "I only ask because I've noticed a change in you lately."

"Ah..." Kai didn't know what to say. He had never been asked such a question simply out of observation. "Yes, I'm fine, hyung. There's just been a lot of death lately it seems. I suppose these are the times having the fewest number of angels is an inconvenience."

Jonghyun chuckled lightly. "It does seem like that, doesn't it?" he replied. Kai nodded. "Perhaps you should consider taking a break."

"You mean going into mortal mode?" This whole interaction was bringing up more and more surprises than Kai could have ever anticipated. He never considered a break, mostly because he didn't think he could. His class of angels never really took breaks because of their high-demand work.