Katherine's Journal · Erick Brian Colón

Entry Eight

April 4th, 2016

Erick,

Today at lunch Toby had the guts to ask Christopher to prom even though the damn dance is still a long way away. You probably would have been one of the first to know since he's practically your brother but I knew for a fact you didn't find out until much later because you weren't even there at your lunch table when Toby asked him out. Before me and my best friend made our way to your friends' table, I had seen you grab lunch with the infamous Ruby and walk out with her to the courtyard. Yeah, okay, I won't lie that it was a bit of a relief that you weren't there so I wouldn't have to fight my nerves but seeing you walking away so happy with her made me even more stressed out.

How could you be slipping from my grip when I never had you in the first place? I admired Toby for being so brave and having the courage to go after what she wanted. Why couldn't I be more like her?

Christopher had been surprised by Toby's sudden interest in him. I would have been surprised too except I wasn't. I always knew Toby had a thing for him even if she did try to hide it. Of course, Chris accepted her proposal without much hesitation.

And as I stood awkwardly by her side I noticed one of the boys from your table had been eyeing me for far too long and as I mustered the little courage I had to look in his direction he looked away quickly as if trying to hide the fact that he was just blatantly staring at me. I had seen him before around in the halls and I knew he was on the baseball team but I never cared to figure out what his name was. Before Toby could pick up on the awkward vibe I nudged her gently, telling her I was going to the library instead.

My best friend pleaded with her eyes that I stay but truth be told I wasn't feeling too confident or comfortable. She had enough confidence for the both of us so I was sure she could handle herself. With a quick wave goodbye, I left the table while mouthing "sorry" to Toby who kept sarcastically glaring at me.

I found myself walking aimlessly through the halls for the next ten minutes, daydreaming about a much more self-assured version of myself. Just then the warning bell had gone off, letting everyone know that fourth period would start in five minutes. Remembering that I needed a few textbooks for my next class I made a quick stop at my locker. I had just managed to open the small metal door when I heard a rich, unfamiliar yet familiar voice call out my name.

"Hey, Katherine?" You said, almost unsure. I was in disbelief, suddenly caught off guard, literally speechless. You actually remembered my name. It seemed like the stars had aligned and my chance to finally talk to you had come.

"It's Katherine right?" You asked again, a warm smile forming on your lips.

"Y-yeah." My voice shook, but I tried to mask it by confidently smiling back at you and keeping eye contact.

"I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to prom--" You suddenly stop, turning and looking over your shoulder.

Is this what I thought? No way, it was just too good to be true. It had to be.

"--with my friend Johann over there." You pointed him out in a small crowd of his friends but I already knew who he was: the boy who kept staring at me at the lunch table.

I was shocked and kind of hurt. I wasn't actually prepared.

Who am I kidding? I meant really f***ing hurt.

"No thank you." I simply stated, trying to sound as blunt as possible, slamming my locker shut before turning on my heels.

"Hey wait, he really likes you though!" You yelled out from behind me, but I kept walking.

What was all that? Why couldn't you take me to the stupid dance? As if right? For a second I even thought you were going to ask me out! Am I just overthinking? I feel like I might be but If Johann wanted to take me out then why couldn't he ask me himself? Sure enough, I was embarrassed, exactly what I feared.

Sincerely, K