Girlfriend On Mars

20. "To you, I'm nothing"

Twenty.

"To you, I'm nothing."

Marley's mood quickly turned sour, rotten and gurgling in the pits of her stomach. She couldn't help it, she felt anger and sadness, mostly at herself—and unfairly, at Jen. She felt anger at the fact her feelings had pointed to Jen, someone oblivious and seemingly uninterested in the idea of dating, of loving. She constantly thought about how loved Jen probably was, how many people would most likely show her affection and latch onto her. And then she thought about how Jen probably intentionally or unintentionally bathed in that admiration, how many hearts she could be playing with. That was the reason why Marley decided she wouldn't act too heavily on her feelings, she decided she'd keep her distance from Jen, until she completely mulled her feelings over.

Instead she started to spend more time with Stephen, evenings and weekends. Though even with him, her mood was terrible, and she knew he'd noticed. Every time she was blunt or accidentally rude, she could see that it affected him. The annoyance and confusion rippled across his face. But he was kind all the same, patient and quiet as Stephen always was. Marley could also tell that since the kiss, he was happier, more comfortable. They'd sit around comfortably for hours, talking about the most random of things, or watching television or eating out at restaurants.

Though things were bad at home, it was all pleasant at school. Friends were all the same, there was less talk of Jen Archer then since she hadn't been to the soccer club in weeks. And Marley preferred that then, not having to focus on her, not having her name dragged into conversations. School was one the places Marley did enjoy being. There she felt like she was slightly important or admired. She actually liked the freshman knowing her name, she liked some of the male attention she got, she liked the teachers favouring her and she enjoyed people being happy to be around her. Anyone would have thought it as odd—the girl with a poor fashion sense, with slightly reclusive social skills was popular, a school 'treasure'.

Avoiding Jen around school wasn't too difficult. Marley just began to miss lunch break practises and she had requested a study period during her science lessons, so she didn't have to sit beside the older girl. Surprisingly though, Marley received no calls or texts and at first, she thought just weirdly hadn't noticed that the blonde was ignoring her, and it made Marley feel less guilty about not saying anything.

But there was a day when, the two ran into each other and she realised then that Jen must have noticed. She was at the sinks in the bathroom, just before her study period, when the door opened. Obviously, it was Jen—but the older girl hadn't noticed Marley's presence yet as she was staring absently down at her phone.

Without thinking, Marley turned on her heel and walked into the nearest cubicle, then locking the door and sitting down on the seat. The door to the bathroom closed softly and there was a silence. A long silence.

The sound of Jen's boots against the vinyl flooring was a sticky squeak. Two steps then another silence.

"Uh, Rhodes, was that you?"

Instead of replying, Marley pathetically just pulled her feet up to her chest, resting the on the toilet seat. She didn't say anything back, though it was obvious she'd been caught. She held her breath for a few seconds, just until she heard the swing and exhale of the door closing again.

Jen had gone and left Marley wondering why she'd even come in the first place. Even in the vacant washroom, Marley sat rigidly. Her body was tense, with embarrassment most likely.

Ever since then, there became more reason to steer clear of Jen. But she still didn't feel satisfied. She couldn't deny it, she thought of Jen every day- as you would if you cared about someone. Though she didn't want to acknowledge it, her crush wasn't deflating. If anything, it was swelling with the constant thought that she would run into her or that she'd have to face her. Really, Marley Rhodes wanted to be close to Jen again.