Every Breath You Take : Ross and Rachel AU (Roschel)

she's becoming

This was not the kind of life Rachel Green would have ever thought in a million years she would have. Class president, cheerleader, queen bee, and Daddy's little girl, turned sole provider for her family. No one told her life was gonna be this way.

She drove in silence, taking in the sight of all the stars in the sky. It had reminded her of the specks of grey on the white tiles of the hospital. It seemed as though everything in one way or another reminded her of the hospital. This was not the life. Rachel couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had in fact gotten married. It would have been the easier choice right? Her parents would brag about her daughter marrying a doctor. She'd make her sisters totally jealous. She'd shop all day with her friends and anything she needed and anything she wanted to do was possible. Would have she been happy? Who wouldn't? But had she gone down that road, the feeling of emptiness, a void in her life would have been inevitable. But was she happy now? If Rachel was being honest, she wasn't. How could she be happy with a fiancé fighting for his life in a hospital and a daughter who she had to care for ultimately by herself? Previously, Rachel Green hadn't worked a day in her life and now there hasn't been a day where she didn't work.

Pulling up to the house, she sighed. It was just her and her daughter tonight. In their big, empty house. She stared at it for a moment. It was big. Rachel didn't want to admit it but it was so not her taste. She couldn't help but think back to the house that she would have had with Barry. It was gated, had a roundabout in the front, leading to a huge arch in front of large double doors. Now that was her taste. She couldn't help but feel guilty for the way that she was feeling. For the thoughts that she was thinking. Was this whole situation God's way of telling her she should have listened to her parents? Was this her karma for being selfish enough to leave a man at the altar and run away from her parents? At least I wouldn't have been feeling this much pain if I had just take that damn car and move back home. In the back of her mind, she hated herself right now. She hated how selfish it was of her to even think about regretting moving to the city and meeting him again.

This was not high school. If she didn't like the situation, she'd drop it. This time, there was baggage, and lots of it. At this hour, her number one priority was her daughter who was in their house under the care of her mother. Rachel took a deep breath, stepping out of her car. She winced as she stood up, putting all of weight onto to high heels. Her feet ached. Ironically, shoes were the one thing that made her feel better regardless of the situation— well, used to. After all, give a girl a good pair of shoes and she can conquer the world.

Exhausted, she walked into the house to find her mother sitting in a recliner, reading a novel. They exchanged goodbyes and Rachel watched as the door shut, leaving her alone with her daughter sleeping upstairs. She took off her shoes, sighing in relief as her blistered feet hit the cold hardwood. She didn't need her façade anymore. Each step was tiring and painful. She felt like she would pass out if not for the railing. Right now, Rachel looked nothing like the Long Island princess she was. Her makeup was oxidized. She was barefoot and her hair had lost its volume.

A familiar sight caught her eye just as she was about to enter her room. A gold cardboard 'E' surrounded by pasted pink flowers on a closed door had her walking towards it. She reached out, the gold doorknob was cold, a sensation similar to when her feet had hit the polished wood.

Rachel slowly turned the knob, opening it. She managed to smile at her sleeping daughter, who reminded her of herself. Ross's Princess and her Baby Girl. Emma was curled up under her pastel pink duvet under a white tule canopy. Her room that had floral wallpaper, was neatly decorated with stuffed animals and toy dollhouses and castles. A bunny shaped silicone nightlight illuminated her daughter's face perfectly. Rachel walked over to her daughter, pulling up the sheets a little bit more. "Everything's gonna be okay Baby Girl. Mommy's gonna make sure of it," she whispered. "Good night Emmy. Mommy and Daddy love you."

Making her way to their master bedroom, she took her time, admiring every detail of the house she had decorated herself. Pictures of her family and friends were strategically collaged together on a white wall just next to their bedroom. It have her a warm feeling in her heart. A feeling she would have never gotten if she never moved to the city; if she would have never met him.

Rachel wiped a stray tear away from her eye with the back of her hand and opened up the bedroom door. The moonlight shone throughout the room, eliminating the need for lights. The space was large. With high ceilings, crown molding, master bath, and walk in closet. The minimal natural light angled perfectly causing the glasses and bottles on their mini bar to twinkle. A skinny bottle half full with transparent liquid caught her eye. It was her ninth bottle of Pinot Grigio in the span of four weeks. She allowed herself to pick up the glass bottle. There's that cold sensation again. Just before opening the bottle, she realized that she shouldn't be having alcohol. Rachel sighed and traded the wine bottle for a bottle of sparkling cider and poured it into a wine glass. She picked it up by the stem and swirled the liquid around in her glass as if it was real wine. The two wingback chairs and small round table that sat in front of a grand window seemed so inviting.

Rachel took a seat on the left chair. The right was always Ross's.

"Penny for your thoughts my love?" Ross placed a wine glass of her favorite Pinot Grigio on the round table.

Rachel took a sip, her eyes still fixated on the night view of the city. "Our wedding."

"Mm? Then why do you look like something's bothering you?"

"I just can't believe it"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"The best thing."

Rachel smiled at the memory. It had become clear to her. Yes, this was not the life she had thought she would have. It was better. She had the man of her dreams and a little daughter. Despite the hardships, she knew everything would be okay. She'd be giving her soon-to-be-husband life and everything would work itself out. She looked over at the empty chair. Somehow, she had felt Ross's presence. Even when they weren't within five feet of each other, she had never felt alone. And that was something she would have never gotten with Barry or anyone else for that matter. She looked down at her glistening engagement ring.

Rachel Green couldn't believe it.

And it was the best thing.

~~~

Hi kids! Sorry no update yesterday, this chapter has been a pain. I'm used to just writing a few sentences on how a character is feeling or what a character is thinking, let alone a whole chapter!

Anyways, I have a reading list up of my top R&R fics and I'm slowly adding more so I HIGHLY recommend you check those out cause they're really really good I promise.

Let me know what you think! x
YG