Sierra and Aiden: Anthology

The window

Sierra

I have a fever.

My whole body feels like I'm being pressed flat with a hot iron. I'm trying really hard not to fall asleep and even harder to take notes. Thank god the patients can't look at me.

I'm sitting on the far right corner, pretending to be a statue (a shadow, really), while Nancy listens to the woman speak.

She's talking about how she was supposed to take care of her siblings growing up (all 13 of them) and how now she has stress issues, is a perfectionist and also needs to have control over everything. Even her husband.

I put all that together, of course, from the way she's speaking and the situations she's describing. That's what being a psychologist is all about.

But I'm not a psychologist just yet. I need to learn from the best to be the best.

I worked my ass off to graduate and now I'm here, with Nancy. Her clinic is small but perfect for therapy. It has two rooms, one's her office, one is John's, her co-worker. John handles the addiction problems and Nancy generally focuses on couple's therapy. That's what I want to do.

So when Nancy called yesterday, telling me I could be her shadow today again, I was thrilled, even though I knew I wasn't feeling very well. I haven't properly eaten since the day before yesterday. I feel nauseous and bloated and everything that goes in my mouth comes right back up. So I've been eating saltines, broccoli and water for almost two days.

Now, I'm sitting here, taking notes. Listening and paying attention to what Nancy's doing, but I'm also trying very hard not to fall out of my chair. I feel out of it. I even loose track of some of the conversation and look out the window.

I can see the other building, with copies of this exact office.

Someone was looking at me. I think. My head is probably messing with me.

"It's a hot day isn't it?" the woman says, clearly avoiding the husband subject.

"Yes! And this windows are so small there's barely air in here!" Nancy replies, smiling. Then silence. She knows the woman will talk.

After a minute, the woman shifts in her seat and breathes. "So, you know how Jordan gets... upset sometimes?"

Finally.

Nancy works with closure for the entire hour and a half and I don't know if I feel like crying because of the pain, the fever or the woman's process. Grief.

When they're finally done, Nancy asks the woman if she needs anything else and she says no. They both leave the room to get to the payment part. That's when I break.

I stand up. My knees are wobbly and I'm dizzy. I have a horrible headache and cramps. My stomach feels like it will scratch its way out of my body. I use the window as support. They are huge, almost the entire back wall, but only a small rectangle can open at the bottom.

I rub my head with my left hand and suddenly I need to throw up. I can feel it rise up in my throat and I cover my mouth automatically. My body can't hold up much more.

Nancy comes back in just as I manage to settle down. "The next patient comes in half an hour. How's everything so far?"

"Everything's great" I say, not technically lying, "But I have a headache. Can I go down to the pharmacy? I saw one on the second floor" 100% lying. I was burning up, but I don't want her to send me home. I want to be here. There are still so many patients left. I need all I can get.