When Helping Becomes Painful | A Sanders Sides Story

Chapter 3

Art by hujikari on DA

Virgil's POV

One week has passed since my talk with Patton. I haven't exited my room since then, only to see Thomas. I barely ate or drank any water. It's not just my mind anymore who's hurting. I grow weaker and weaker each day, and I know that I should do something. Yet, I'm not helping myself in anyway. I'm just too tired. The pain is too unbearable to sleep. I keep waking up, sweating like I just ran a marathon. I wish I could sleep, at least I wouldn't have to hear what those voices are saying in my head. I keep getting these thoughts about hurting myself. I have a knife in my room, and every time I see it, the voices tell that it would help me manage the pain, that I could even stop feeling any pain all together if I tried hard enough... But I just can't do it. The voices tell mat that I'm nothing more than a coward who can't even take care of his own shit himself. 

I'm laying in my room, on the floor, trying to keep myself from sobbing. I must look so miserable right now. My hair is a mess, my face is a mess, my clothing is a mess, I'm a mess... I wouldn't want them to see me like this. Fortunately, my door is locked. What would they think of me? The voices say they know. They would think that I'm pathetic, worthless, a stupid dark side who can't even help Thomas properly. I can't hold my tears anymore, I am now a sobbing mess. Breathing is hard, between the tears rolling on my face and the pain in my lungs. I'm hyperventilating! I can't stop myself! Great job Virgil! Taking Thomas' panic attacks wasn't enough?! You need more?! 

And that's when I realize... There's a high pitch sound. Thomas is panicking, again. But the thing is, I'm already panicking ! I can't go there and take even more panic?!... Can I? 

I must be a masochist, because I'm trying to get up. 

My body is hurting so much, my arms are too weak, I can't... get up... Everything starts to move around me.

Must... help... Thomas...

Suddenly, someone starts to knock frantically at my door. I hear someone scream my name, asking me what I am doing, but it's too late.

I blacked out.

***

I only regained consciousness the next day. For once, the pain seems manageable. Slowly, I get up. A fog seems to fill my head. Every part of me feels numb. But at least, it's not so bad. I don't even bother to look at the clock. I don't care. All I know right now is that I'm thirsty. I cried so much, I need a refill. I open my door and head up for the kitchen. As I pass a window, I see the sun rising slowly. Seems like I stayed unconscious for a long time. I arrive in the kitchen. Patton is there, baking some breakfast. Our eyes meet, and I see what I can only assume is disappointment. He stares at me with those eyes for a couple of seconds, and then turns to focus again on what he was baking. I look at the floor for a second and then head for the fridge. I open it and takes a water bottle. Logan then arrives in the kitchen. Like Patton, he gives me the silent treatment. I look at me and then close the fridge. I don't think I should stay around here much longer, they don't seem really happy with my presence. And as I'm heading to my room, I stumble across Roman. And, unlike Logan and Patton, he seems to want to share what's on his mind.

- What the HELL were YOU doing yesterday?! Thomas started panicking and since you weren't coming, I went to get you, and what do I see?! Purple lights coming from your door?! 

He pushes me in the wall. I grimaced from the pain. Patton, probably alerted by Roman's yelling, is now next to us, begging Roman to let me go.

- ROMAN! Let him go!

Roman didn't seem to be willing to listen to him. He puts his hand under my throat, not enough to make me choke though, just enough to scare me. 

- Did you or not used your powers to give Thomas a panic attack?! DID YOU?!

What was he talking about? Tears are now falling from Patton's eyes, still begging Roman to stop.

- ROMAN! Virgil would NEVER do something like that! Let him GO! PLEASE!

I don't know what to do, or what to say. I just stare blankly at Roman, whose anger only seems to be growing. Suddenly, an hand is put on Roman's shoulder. It was Logan. Roman turned his head and they stared for a couple of second in silence. Roman groans and then finally release his grip on me. I instinctively put my hand on my throat, where Roman's hand was. Roman gives me a dark stare as Logan escorts him away from me. Before exiting the hall, he stops to tell me something.

- Next time, be more rigorous. I expect more of you.

He then asks Patton to come with them. He followed them as asked, but not before giving me the saddest look I've ever seen.

I stayed there for a couple of minutes, staring blankly at the floor, until I finally moved to get to my room.

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