When Helping Becomes Painful | A Sanders Sides Story

Chapter 4

Art by Ally-the-Fox-20 on DA

Virgil's POV

I went to my room, as usual, but something felt wrong. My encounter with Roman left me shaken. I can't my head around what he said. Did I really give Thomas an anxiety attack? I never intended to do this, it wasn't my intention, I'm not...

That's what they believe.

I didn't even know it was something I could do?! I'm not a monster! I would never want someone to suffer like this?! Even less Thomas!

That's how they see you.

Shut the fuck up! You know nothing, because I don't know! If I don't know, then you don't know!

Oh, you know. You know what they think of you.

Stop. Messing. With. My. Head.

You're the most pathetic, useless, worthless side of them all. You can't even do your job properly. Instead of protecting him, you've been hurting him terribly.

I put my hands on my ears, like it would stop me from hearing the voices.

What if all those panic attacks were only because if you? Making your own life miserable, you sure are good at that.

Tears are falling from my eyes, again. It seems I can't have a day without crying, from being miserable.

Aren't you sick of this ? Wouldn't you want it to just... stop?

I keep crying, yet, I'm not panicking for once. A fog is filling my mind, I can't seem to be able to think straight (HA!), all I can concentrate on are these voices. I turn around to see myself in my mirror. Other than me looking like shit, I see a shadow behind me, whispering in my ears.

You're too weak to take your life by yourself... But there may be another way.

For once, I'm not afraid, all I feel is numb. The shadow puts what seems to be its hand on my shoulder. It whispered to me three words.

The Forgotten Pit.

***

I start running. From my room, from the shadow, from everything. I can only focus on my destination. Everything around is blurry. I pass through the living room. I can more or less see three figures, but I don't stop. I hear someone scream after me, but I can't comprehend what they say. I arrive at the door. Suddenly, something prevents me from exiting the house.

- Virgil, what the HELL are you-- ?!

Roman stopped as he sees my face. Even with my hood on my head, my bangs in front of my eyes, he saw it. I was glaring at him, bitterness in my eyes. I wasn't sad, yet tears were falling from my eyes. I couldn't feel anything but numbness. I must be looking scary since Roman froze at my sight. As I hear someone else approach, I quickly withdraw my arm from Roman's grip and rush for the door. I hear voices calling me, fading as I distance myself from the house. All I can think about is to reach my goal. 

I'm running through the Mindscape, out of breath, legs hurting like hell, but I'm not stopping my pacing. I finally cross the line and enter the subconcious, or like we like to call it the Darkscape, where I used to live before moving out. I keep running through the Darkscape, until I finally stop. 

There it was, before me, the forgotten pit.

Where all unnecessary things in Thomas' mind go to disappear. 

I stand there, on the edge, looking into the darkness of the pit. I can't see anything, yet it feels as I see something moving. When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes at you.

***

Third person POV

As Virgil leaves the door, the three sides stand there, confused and worried about the darker trait. Roman didn't know what to think of what he saw. Virgil seemed deeply hurt. He never saw the anxious trait like this. It seemed so out of character from how he usually were acting. Was it all an act? Was his sarcastic and edgy persona only a facade? The fanciful side's thoughts were interrupted by Patton.

- We need to catch up with him! 

- Shouldn't we let him have some alone time?, ask Logan, I'm not the best with emotions, but he didn't seem to want us around.

- He is deeply emotionally charged! It was so bad I could feel it without even touching him! In that stay of mind, it's impossible to think logically, or even correctly! Who knows what he could do?!

Patton was almost screaming the last sentence. He clearly was panicking, and his panic was spreading across to the two other sides. They all glanced at each other, and without another word started to chase Virgil. The anxious trait was far ahead, but they could still distinguish his figure. 

Logan and Patton had a hard time chasing Virgil, but Roman, being the most athletic of the three, didn't slow down. 

***

When they finally caught up with the anxious trait, it took them some time to realise where he was standing. They stopped, leaving some distance between them and the darker trait. Their eyes couldn't stop looking at him, on the edge of the pit, his head leaning forward to look into the pit. Virgil didn't seem to have noticed them, he didn't even seemed aware of his surroundings. 

Roman was the first to notice that Virgil's body was slightly rocking back and forth. It scared the hell out of him. He attempted to make one step in his direction, but Logan puts his arm in front of the creative trait, preventing him from moving forward. Quietly, he whispered to Roman to not move.

- If we approach him too quickly, he might get scared and fall.

He was right, Roman knew it, but it felt so wrong for him to just stand there and not doing anything. Right now, it didn't matter if he and Virgil were polar opposites and not fond of each other, he couldn't let someone hurt in their despair. Virgil or not, he was a prince, a hero, he HAD to save him. 

But he couldn't do anything.

He felt so powerless, it was hardly bearable. So he stayed there, as Logan told him to do. Patton, being Thomas' heart, tried to talk to Virgil. Carefully, he tried to convince Virgil to move away from the pit. 

- Virgil... Please, come with us... I know you're not yourself right now... It must be scary, really scary... Please, let's go home... We can talk about this after you get some rest... You'll see, you'll be better in no time!

But his words couldn't get to the man in front of him. His thoughts were swirling in his head and they prevented him from focussing on anything else but the pit in front of him. He couldn't hear anything else, he couldn't feel anything else than the emptiness within himself, which seemed to be powered by the void in front of him. 

It was time. 

But as he was finally decided to jump, he heard someone call his name. For some reason, someone succeeded to get him out of his mind. The voice sang softly two verses.

- No one deserves to be forgotten, no one deserves to disappear.

Virgil moved his head slightly to the right, to see where the voice was coming. 

He then saw Janus.

1238 words