Mischief Managed Year One: Mayhem of the Moon

Chapter Thirteen- Similarities and the Confession

TW: Descriptions of Abuse

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He wasn't getting it, Remus simply wasn't getting it!

Sirius had to resist the anger building in him again. It wasn't the kid he was mad at. No, instead Sirius found himself mad for Remus. Who wouldn't have been upset? How could Remus say 'it's fine' before Sirius had even apologized? Besides, could that jumble of words Sirius uttered even be called an apology? There had been a sick feeling growing in Sirius ever since he had realized Remus really was innocent.

But it wasn't guilt! Sure, yeah he felt bad. But he was a dumb eleven-year-old who didn't really mean any harm. Besides, he sure as hell could have been worse to Remus! The pranks had been pretty mild to the harm Sirius could have caused. He was sorry, of course, he was. But he wasn't like Peter or even James who were ridiculously harsh on themselves. Honestly, he didn't really expect much out of himself so it was fine. Rather, it was what Remus' innocence meant that was making him nervous.

Because despite how hard he had tried not to come to a certain conclusion, he couldn't fight it anymore. Maybe it was because Sirius didn't want to admit 'it' that he had been so quick to believe Remus was cruel and two-faced? Instead, it was worse. Wasn't it? Because Remus wasn't just a giant arsehole. No, instead Remus Lupin was like him!

He didn't know what to do with this information. Should he tell someone? But what if Remus told on him, what then? Besides what if their situations were so similar that telling an adult wouldn't make a difference?

"S...Sirius...are you ok?" Remus asked worriedly.

Gosh, he sounded so timid! Sirius hadn't realized how long the two of them had been standing in heavy silence. He had to say something before Remus bolted. But his roommate would bolt if Sirius confronted him here in the hall where anyone could overhear, which was understandable. Besides, Remus had already displayed his preference to avoid problems. No, Sirius would just have to be careful about this. What would James do in his place? Well, that was little help, James couldn't at all understand.

But Remus did...

Sirius' chest went tight with fear and pain, but then something else began to grow in him. A sort of shaky happiness that he was sure must make him a bad person. Surely he wasn't happy Remus understood? But...but maybe...well maybe he wouldn't be so alone now?

This was infuriating!

Sirius ran his hands through his hair violently as if he could shake this all away. Then he shook himself like a dog, his whole body, trying to get rid of the faint traces of happiness rising in him. He wouldn't be a bad person. Sirius glanced at Remus through his long hair that had fallen in his face. His poor roommate was looking at Sirius like he was nuts. Well... Remus wasn't really wrong about that.

This was just too much for an eleven-year-old to take, no matter how amazing and cool that eleven-year-old was. Sirius threw back his head and did what his uncle had taught him to do when they had both reached their limit with his mother.

"SON OF A BANSHEE, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Sirius shouted at the top of his lungs, letting all the stress that had been building in him out.

Salazar, that felt good!

Before Remus could stop him, Sirius grabbed his roommate's hand and pulled him along, breaking into a run. Sirius expected some sort of resistance. In fact, he would have bet his brand new broom back home on it. But Remus followed him with barely any hesitation!