Mischief Managed Year One: Mayhem of the Moon

Chapter Fifty-Nine- Recovered Memories

TW: Mentions of Past Traumatic Experience

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Remus felt terrible as he stalked off to see Madam Pomfrey. He had been doing such a good job at staying calm with Sirius. It hadn't been easy, especially after finding that stupid paper a few days ago.

He felt sick and shaky. They were going to find out. He had to make them stop somehow or they were going to find out! How many months would it take next year, when they were studying the moon during astronomy, for them to realize the pattern to his disappearances?

He had been trying all day long to wrack his mind for some sort of excuse: everything from how he helped his dad with his job which involved werewolves to the shameless lie his mother was one. In the end, he had just lost his patience with Sirius. He felt bad but also hopeful that maybe it would be enough. Maybe he had scared Sirius into leaving the matter be, at least for a little while. Remus' head was pounding.

He had yelled at his friend, yelled in anger, actual anger towards Sirius. Remus was still angry but also guilty, and his head kept pounding, pounding, pounding.

Pounding painfully and making it harder to stay calm with certain annoying roommates of his, the ones who invaded his privacy, tried to get him to play Quidditch, and cared about him.

He shook his head, forcing himself not to feel bad for yelling at Sirius. He wouldn't feel bad about it. No matter how sad and desperate Sirius looked, he wouldn't be fooled into expecting his tolerant friends to be tolerant enough to accept a werewolf.

He knew he should keep his promise and go to the medical ward, that he at least owed Sirius that. But he found himself walking right past it. He just couldn't seem to make his legs cooperate. So instead, he found himself walking to the library, for once hoping Lily wasn't there. He just needed a minute of peace and quiet, then promised himself that he would go back before they could all arrive with study materials and worry.

He sat down at the table, staring at the bookshelves and trying to figure out what was bothering him so much. Then it hit him so suddenly he nearly toppled backward in his chair.

He remembered!

He remembered exactly what had happened the night he fell out of the tower. He slumped into his chair. The feeling of betrayal that had been tugging at him now was much worse, now that the picture had finally become complete.

As he sat there shaking slightly from the remembrance of what had been a rather terrifying ordeal, he realized he had to tell the truth about Severus Snape. He had to tell Lily that her best friend was a traitorous Slytherin and caught up with the worst people. Then he realized he also had to tell Sirius, but he couldn't. James perhaps, or Andromeda even.

Feeling terribly tired he closed his eyes and found himself reliving that whole night over again, as if it had just happened, or currently was happening again.

.....................(January 13th, 1972)........................

He reached Professor Blavatnik's office, nervous and very much on edge, but didn't go in right away. After leaving Dorcas' party he had tossed around the idea of not showing up after hours as no student could be punished for that provided it wasn't detention they were skipping. But Remus had, upon leaving the Gryffindor common room, gone from feeling bad for forgetting Dorcas' birthday to anxiety on if Blavatnik had caught on that Remus had overheard the professor harass an older student the night before the poisonings had begun.

"Well, I suppose it's at least something you showed up," the professor greeted from the desk he sat at, diligently grading paper after paper. He finally looked up to meet his student's eyes, his expression unreadable. "I heard Ms. Meadows is having a celebration at the moment. This will only be a moment. Then you may return if you wish."