Mischief Managed Year One: Mayhem of the Moon

Chapter Sixty-One- Bimble the Bambezel

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Remus jolted himself out of the memories, forcing himself to take deep breaths. It all made sense now, it all made complete sense.

He had seen a monster, had in fact seen Greyback, or what at the time he had only referred to as the Shadowman. A faceless large man who had haunted his nightmares ever since the day he had been snatched away from the life he'd never know again.

The werewolf shuddered and slid off his chair and under the table, wanting to make himself small. It was a boggart. Remus knew that now, had read about them in a book. He probably would have come to the conclusion himself back when he was faced with one if he hadn't been so terrified. He had lost all sense, lost all control, which was something Remus Lupin despised, and simply could not let happen.

Bested by a boggart seemed like an awfully shameful sentence. How was he going to explain to his friends that he had been so scared of a shape-shifting creature? But when that creature shape-shifted into something that terrorized him most nights, well, it had seemed perfectly reasonable at the time to not even attempt to unlock the door with magic and instead fling himself out of a window. Anything it took to get away from the monster, 'the man.'

How on earth could he tell his friends it wasn't Professor Blavatnik? Remus now felt terrible about suspecting him, and guilty that he had seemed to blatantly ignore his professor's warnings. No wonder Professor Blavatnik disliked him!

In no time at all had Remus gone from possibly being a future prefect to continuing to cause trouble with James and Sirius, plus Peter, throwing away his chances. But it also wasn't like the Slytherins had thrown him out a window. They probably hadn't even considered anyone would be so stupid to do such a thing.

It had been Remus, himself, and the fear that had caused him to jump. He felt like such an imposter. He certainly didn't belong in the Gryffindor house. He should have told the hat to put him in Ravenclaw instead. Apparently, the hat listened to requests like that.

Then he'd be surrounded by studious students, not energetic, rule-breaking, far-too-curious ones. But even the thought of not having his friends left Remus feeling hollow, cold, and scared. How had he survived without friends before?

He couldn't imagine such an existence again, no matter what his father said, no matter how selfish it was for him to possibly put them in harm's way one day.

Remus knew if he had been saying all of his thoughts out loud to Sirius, the boy would laugh and point out that he and James had put Remus in harm's way with the Slytherins, and that they were mates. Dealing with harm together was just what was done. It made him feel even worse about fighting with Sirius, and he wished he could take it back.

The badly shaking boy wrapped his arms tight around himself in an attempt to stop. There wasn't even a boggart here, and the mere recollection of one was sending him into a panic all over again. He had to fix that. He had to know he wouldn't freeze up or attempt to blindly escape if he ever saw Greyback again, or any other type of danger. Remus had to fight. He was sick of running. He had to be able to control even his fear. He just had to.

"Remus?" came James questioning uncertain voice, surprisingly close by.

Remus was so startled he jolted, slamming his already throbbing head on the table above it.

"Ouch!" he cried.

"Jeez, mate! Are you alright?" his friend continued sounding alarmed.

He blinked back tears and peered at James, who was bending over and looking concerned.