face the strange // f.w.

💘 chapter nine 💘

Amidst the heavy snowfall of New Jersey, I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm. I trudged through the snow towards my parents, who were standing by my brother's car. As he got out, someone else did as well.

Next to my brother was a girl about his age. She had light brown skin with red cheeks from the cold, and long black hair down her back. I could see her pink sweater peeking out from behind her winter coat, and how she instinctively stood by my brother as my parents examined her.

My brother spoke up, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He pushed up his glasses sheepishly, and smiled.

"Mom, Baba, Ali," he grinned, "This is my girlfriend, Jamila."

"I've heard so much about all of you," she said, and looked down at me with a smile. "You're Ali, right? Ahmed's little brother?"

It took a minute before I found myself speaking. "Uh, y-yeah-"

"What are we doing to our guest, leaving her out in the cold like this?" my mother scolded. "Come inside, Jamila. We'll introduce you to the rest of the family."

With that, my mother ushered Jamila inside, leaving my dad, Ahmed, and I by the car.

"She seems nice," I mumbled. Ahmed kept smiling, leaning against the car.

"Yeah," he laughed softly. "We met in school when we had to do a project together, one thing led to another, and four months later, we're still together."

"Four months?" I said weakly, and Ahmed sheepishly laughed.

"Yeah. I wanted you guys to meet her all together, as a family."

I looked up at my father, trying to gauge his reaction. He looked back at Jamila and Mom, before looking at Ahmed, giving a nod in what I could only assume was approval. I forced a smile, wanting to be happy for my brother, but seeing this only made me sick to my stomach.

"She seems cool," I mumbled, and looked back inside. "Uh, it's really cold, so I'm just gonna head back to the house."

Before Ahmed could say anything, I went back inside, heading past relatives, who were now fawning over Jamila (which thankfully took off any potential attention from me) as I headed to the kitchen. It was now emptied, and I could only assume the twins and Zaynab were with Jamila. That was fine, because all I needed was to grab my phone for a distraction.

Getting it from the table, I snuck past the crowd of relatives and ran upstairs, heading towards the bathroom at the end of the hall and locking the door behind me. I put down the toilet seat and sat on it, holding my head in my hands, trying to keep from dissociating from the noise downstairs, and from my own mind.

"This isn't helping," I scolded myself mentally, instead gripping my phone, wondering if I could call him. At first, I thought it was a stupid idea - he's probably with his family, or friends, and doesn't wanna talk to your whiny ass. However, despite everything telling me not to, I unlocked my phone, and went to his contact, holding my breath out of fear of me crying.

Surprisingly, he picked up.

"Ali!" Finn said. I imagined him grinning across the line, and couldn't help but smile at the thought. "What's up? I had to sneak away to answer this call, because Christ, it's fucking loud downstairs."

I snickered, before my face fell. "I'm fine."

Finn sighed across the line. "No, you're not. What's up? The party okay?"

"No, yeah, it is, it's just-," I started, before laughing at my pathetic self. "It's stupid."

"C'mon. The sooner you tell me, the sooner you'll feel better."

Hesitating, I sighed.

"Ahmed brought his girlfriend home from college. Baba and Mom seem to like her, and," I began, wondering if this would make me sound stupid. Then again, most things did, so I continued. "It's so fucking dumb. Like, I know I should be happy for him, but it wasn't the girlfriend that upset me. It was my dad. He had this look on his face, like he was proud of Ahmed for getting a girl, and it-"

I paused, hearing my voice crack. I wiped the tears from my face with my sleeve and continued.

"I'm never gonna get that look from him, Finn," I said, explaining through my tears. "For anything I do. I'm not smart, I don't wanna go into business like him, and I'm definitely not straight. It'll never matter how many followers I have, no matter how many magazines I'm in, because my family - my dad - only care if I find a nice Muslim girl to marry and have kids with. And that's the one thing I'll never be able to do for them."

When I finished ranting, I looked up at the white tiled ceiling, my voice growing softer.

"And I know you probably don't understand," I admitted, "But being gay, or anything else that's queer, is just so fucking lonely sometimes. I try to make jokes about it, put a brave face online, but no one knows how I have to deal with this by myself. Yeah, I have Zaynab, and she's pan, so she gets it, but other than her, sometimes it feels like there's no one else who'll get me."

When I finished, I waited for a response from Finn. Downstairs, I could hear my uncles yelling for everyone to gather around the television, because the Times Square ball was gonna drop soon. I wondered if they noticed that I was missing.

"That's heavy, man," he finally said. "But I'm... Kind of happy? I don't know. It feels good that you trust me enough for you to admit all this, but still. I can that you're crying, and..."

Finn trailed off, laughed nervously.

"I just wanna be there for you," he said quietly. "I wish I was with you, man."

My heart nearly leaped from my chest, but I was too emotionally exhausted to feel flustered. Instead, I just smiled.

"Whoa, dude... That's kind of gay," I grinned, and laughed when Finn groaned.

"Sue me for making jokes when I get sad," I snorted. "Seriously, though, thanks man. I would say I wish you were here, but I'm sort of hiding in the bathroom from my drunk relatives."

"Drunk family at New Years? Sounds like a good time to me," Finn said, and I laughed, but got quiet so I could listen to what was happening downstairs. Right now, everyone was counting down to ten for the New Year to start.

"Hey, Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not busy right now, are you?" I whispered. "If you're not... Then at the risk of sounding super clingy and gross-"

"You want me to stay with you?" Finn said. I nodded slightly.

"Kinda."

I could hear Finn laugh across the line. "Yeah."

As he said that, I could hear my family cheer downstairs as they got to one, and their collective, "Happy New Years!" erupted so loud, I swear the floor shook. However, I wasn't as sad as I could've been, alone on New Year's Eve. Instead, I was talking with Finn, about anything and everything, as I grinned like an idiot on the bathroom floor. 

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WHAT'S UP. Yes, I'm back!!! Hope y'all liked this! Let me know what you think is gonna happen next, because trust me - it'll be great. also, y'all better listen to the song linked above, because it's a fucking jAM

love, the author