Put it on my Tombstone

13| I tried really hard

***

I decided to be better 

To get my life straight 

Looking back now

It was already too late

*

At the time I really wanted

To take life into my own hands

I needed to save myself

Instead of making demands

*

So I sat at a new table

With kids I didn't know 

Tried to appear relaxed

Not let my nerves show

*

I asked to be friends

They politely agreed 

They told me to speak up

To shout if I'm in need

*

I thought this was great

My life would turn around

My expectations were too high

It should've been on the ground

*

Because the kids were polite 

They were so very kind

Too nice to turn me down

I wish they left me behind

*

Because being told no

And getting turned away

Would've been better than

Than letting false hope stay

*

We had nothing in common

And I'd often just tag along

Too afraid to say too much

And get this all wrong

*

Because I wanted it to work

I wanted to be less alone 

To stop staring at the world

Behind the screen of my phone

*

I was happy with just you 

I was content with one friend 

Surely with more people 

I wouldn't have to pretend

*

Wouldn't have to pretend 

To be happy when I'm not

I could smile with these people

And laugh a lot

*

What a dream that was

A mere fantasy in my head

Because not once did they hear

A single thing that I said

*

I'd tell them with honesty 

I'm having a bad day

They'd just shrug it off

And said it was okay

*

I'd tell them I feel alone 

I want to hang out more

But their car had no room

It was built just for four

*

Still I didn't make it

Into much of a big deal

I just stopped talking 

Quietly ate my meal

*

And so that lunch table

Became a silent grave

A tomb for the girl

Who nobody could save

*

I tried really hard, really I did

But a truth made itself known

Sometimes you're less lonely

When you're alone.

***