Recovery Love

Day 8

I am falling back into the hole of no control of my life. I didn't do anything at all today. I now feel so useless. So tomorrow I will plan out my future, not exactly plan. More or so just have a list of things to do. I will also clean. Cleaning for me is such a destresser.

It's been about a two months now since the break up and there are times where I think of scenarios in my head if I were to see him. And they're not great. I don't know why I think of these scenarios when I know they will do no good. Trust me ,  I am so over him. Atleast I think I am. I so want to be. I want to do nothing.

I saw this post yesterday, it went along the lines of , you have to accept that there will be no closure in some situations, you have to accept that people never change. And I feel like that's what I have to do. I have to accept that it's gone and he won't come back to apologize, even after I told him to stay away from me. My mind tells me I am okay with that. And in which I am. But my thoughts wonders else where. It's so confusing and I wish it didn't do so.

I am loving myself but tomorrow I will feel better once I work out, clean, make a todo list and just dance freely in my room. During the relationship I was so insecure even though I made others believe I wasn't but I was. But now I am happy with my body, even though me working out doesn't mean I am not happy with my body. I deserve to have a healthy body. This is the temple I am giving and I have to appreciate it. Or so what Ava Jules says. But yes , dancing alone in my room and making my peers happy is the best feeling. They make me happy, my friends and my family.

I am slowly but surely loving myself and making myself more happy. Confidence.

Have a good night now.