A Siren's Sorrow

8

Present Day — New York City

I lean forward on my elbows with a heavy sigh. It's strange being back here after decades of avoiding and trying to forget it and the life I had here. So much happened in this town that I've tried to let go of—the life I had, the transformation, Tommy's death, and my own personal dark age. Even if it means being close to Aileen and Connor after so long, I'm struggling to find the silver lining.

The memories of back then send a chill tracing over my skin, and I brush it off quickly before I tumble back down that rabbit hole. I merely hope that this will be the fresh start we keep telling ourselves each move will be. It's hard to believe it though; the past always finds a way to rear its head again.

I lift the lid off the shoebox of memories, each one capturing a moment from my decades of life and adventures. There are faces of the many people I have known and cared for before. I look over each one carefully, flipping through the decades of false Hope and lost siblings.

One photograph makes my heart ache. It was from before I became what I am today. Tommy has an arm wrapped around the young, naive me as we both smile happily at the camera. Our faces were slightly distorted from our laughter, but it makes me sad that I can't quite remember what about. Nor can I remember the sound of his voice or how his hair would look in the light.

I place the photograph back in the box and hastily wipe away the tears. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm longer who I was back then. Elinor Carter died a long time ago.

Now, I'm Ellie Chase, a sixteen year old who is just now moving to New York City with her siblings. I get to go to a new school and attempt to make new friends. It's another chance to follow the tug in my chest that's been there for months now.

Emma, one of our newer siblings and my best friend aside from Ben, keeps lecturing me about following it. She does her best to understand, but she wasn't there for my dark age. Her transition was more docile and recent. The bitterness and pain of our plight has yet to settle, and I dread the day it does. I always fear the inevitable day it happens to each of us.

"Hey, El." Ben whispers as he knocks on the doorframe. His eyes take in the shoebox in my hand, and when the realization hits, the sadness and pain that he shows when I'm sad floods his features. "You've really gotta stop doing this to yourself."

I look up at him and close the lid with a heavy sigh. "It's not that easy for me. You know that." My fingers and hands forming the words that my mouth haven't been able to for so long. "I just—I don't want to forget."

"You always say that, but you'll never say why." He shakes his head and leans against the doorway. "Trust me, I have a good feeling about this time, Ellie bean. After all, we haven't hit any trouble, and all four of us are being drawn here. It has to mean something."

I roll my eyes at Ben using the nickname that Graham gave me when he joined the family, but the more he speaks, the worse I feel. All my siblings want to be here—are drawn here by whatever supernatural forces dictate us. Each of us are likely to find our Hope here if we're lucky. "I suppose so." I tell him with a forced smile.

"Hey, chin up. Your Hope is still out there waiting for you." He smiles and nudges my shoulder as he motions to the doorway. "So is dinner and everyone else."

"As long as Graham didn't cook it, I'm coming." The comment makes Ben burst with his usual boisterous laugh. "But then again, I didn't hear any smoke alarms. So I'm gonna assume we're safe."

Ben just shakes his head as we make our way to the living room, where Emma and Graham are already on the floor with their paper cartons of takeout. "You better not be making fun of me again, Ellie bean." Graham jokingly scolds, his dark eyes alight with humor.

"I make no promises." I tell him and take my place on the floor.

"Sometimes you're so mean to me." Graham whispers as he juts out his bottom lip. Everyone chuckles at the expression, and he wraps an arm over my shoulder to tug me into his chest. "You're lucky I still love you, baby sis. Otherwise I'd don't know if I could handle all your torment."

"So, how was everyone's day?" Emma signs when she notices no one else speaking. "And remember to enunciate, please. You boys tend to mumble, which always makes it harder to read your lips."

"It's true." I add with a smile. "You both mumble so much it's hard for even me to understand."

Ben and Graham both shake their heads at us but oblige nevertheless. It's another calm night of us chatting about our days, which mostly was unpacking and job interviews. I listen quietly to the conversation, but my mind keeps drifting.

It follows an odd stream of thought through the years, and I soon find myself again recalling the fuzzy details of my previous life here in New York. There was so much that happened after I became part of the family. I have so much I wish I could forget or undo, words I could take back, and people I could help instead of hurt.

There's a tap on my shoulder that finally pulls me out of my thoughts, and I look up to find the food cleared with Emma watching me with wide eyes. "Where were you?" She asks with delicate fingers and a sad smile.

"Here, but the first time around." I sigh and push myself off the floor. "Would you—maybe—help me do something without telling the guys?"

"You know I would—as long as it's not dangerous." Her green eyes shining happily as she think of the prospect of helping others or finding adventures. "What do you need help?"

I let out a heavy sigh and bite my lip. This could easily be the best or worst thing for me to do, but something in my chest is tugging me to do it. "I need someone to go with me. I want to—to visit some old friends."

"I thought you hadn't been back here since—" She stops when she realizes what I mean, her mouth forming a perfect 'o.' It takes her a moment to think it over before a soft smile takes over her. "Okay. We can go in the morning?"

"Thank you." I pull her into a tight hug and find myself so thankful for my 'big sister' as everyone calls her.

She lets out a light laugh as she pulls away. "Hey, it's what family is for, and if you think it's something you need to do, I'm all in."

"It's been over ninety years; I think it's time. Maybe we are here for a reason, and mine is to start to heal." I tell her with shaking hands and a soft sigh. Emma smiles at the comment and squeezes my hand in agreement and encouragement.

"Well, I'm proud of you either way." She replies and drags me to my feet with her. "But if we're gonna do it, you're gonna need your rest."

I nod and trail behind her as we both head to our shared room in our small apartment. A chill traces up my spine as my bare feet pad across the hardwood floor. Emma taps on my shoulder with a soft smile, "You should know, Ellie, this is a big step forward. I'm really proud of you for doing it."

"Thank you, Em." I tell her with a half forced smile. "I'm just gonna go ahead and turn in early tonight. It's probably going to be a long day tomorrow."

I tuck myself underneath the thick blankets and try to tell myself this is what I need. It's been ninety four year after all. I have to face the fact at some point if we're going to be here indefinitely.

Maybe if I open up a few old wound they'll finally start healing properly. Maybe then I'll find myself able to search for my Hope instead of cleansing souls. Maybe I can finally get a piece of myself back.