Broken Wings

Chapter 3 - I'll be there

Chapter 3

“Chaeyoung…” I hear Joohyun calls my name as she walks towards me. I can sense the concern in her voice but I can’t bear to look at her. No, I can’t bear to look away from the fountain of the living where I have been watching Jieun’s funeral for five days straight.

I hear her sigh beside me. “Chaeng. You’re only torturing yourself watching that.”

No. She’s wrong. This is not torture for me. Yes, I’m mourning but this isn’t torture. This is pure rage. My hand is balled into fists from rage and I don’t even know when it went numb as I don’t even feel my fingertips now.

“Don’t be harsh on yourself, Chaeng.” Joohyun continues.

I let out a short laugh, one that’s void of humor. Even I got chills hearing myself. I don’t even have to look at Joohyun to see how shocked she is from hearing that.

“I don’t understand humans, Joohyun. I don’t understand them at all. Maybe that’s why I always fail at guarding them.” I stop for a short while. No, I’m not gonna cry anymore. I can’t cry anymore. “Yes, I guess I really don’t understand how the broken works. But what I couldn’t comprehend more is the people who intentionally broke them. How can they do that? How can they break someone else? Where did they find the courage to do it? Don’t they know how it is hard to build yourself from the damage they’ve done? Don’t they have feelings themselves?” I continuously spit all the rage I have in me. This is not me… I don’t know where this Chaeyoung came from. But she’s here, pouring her heart out.

“What is running in their minds? What is he thinking?! How… How dare he? How can he show his face in her funeral?!” I want to cry but there’s no tears running down my eyes. It’s just too dry.

“Oh my god, Chaeng.” Joohyun hugged me and soothes my back to calm me down. I would have cried. I should have cried. But why can’t I?

I look down once again to his face. Song Donghyun. Nobody knows what happened between him and Jieun. But I know. I’ve seen her memory of it. He proposed to her in a charity event her business was conducting. All day he’d been nothing but the doting boyfriend who’s nothing but supportive to his girlfriend. Then he proposed… in the chapel beside the foster home they went to for the charity event. How dare he face God then lie the very moment he turned his back on Him?!

I remember through her memories that she saw him secretly texting someone when they went out of the chapel. She didn’t ask. She just let him be as it might not be of any concern to her. She asked him if he’ll be able to make it to the gathering of her family at dinner, as her parents and two brothers were all in town but he refused saying he might be swamped of work later. There’s something that doesn’t sit well with Jieun but she let him be. They separated ways and went to their days without checking each other except when Jieun told Donghyun she will be staying overnight in her brother's house with their parents.

After the family dinner, Jieun asked her younger brother to drive her to her apartment as she left some important documents she’ll be needing the next morning. Her brother almost didn’t agree but she insisted. When Jieun entered her apartment, she felt something strange. As if she’s not supposed to be there. In her own home.

That was when she spotted two used glasses of wine on her kitchen counter. She suddenly felt cold, but she knew she’s sweating bullets. Then she heard voices. In her home. In her room. In her safe haven. Right there and then she felt violated. She wanted to run. She wanted to breathe. But she stepped closer to her room. She slowly opened her door and took a peek.

She closed the door. She went out. She met her brother downstairs but she couldn’t cry. She couldn’t cry in front of his brother. She had to smile. She had to smile while breaking but she had to. She can’t let him see her fall apart because he’ll ask but she can’t tell. She can’t tell him that her fiancé is fucking his girlfriend… on her bed.

    Back at the funeral, they’re finally laying Jieun to rest. Don’t let him hold her urn, don’t let him hold her urn. I keep on repeating in my head hoping anyone could hear me. When we guard a soul, our tone is always persuasive because we don’t really control what they do. But we don’t have to beg just for them to listen to us. That’s why it would have been easier if I just told her to check her seatbelt that night, but I didn’t. I was too careless.

    But now, I’m desperate. I don’t know who will hear me but I just need one soul to. DON’T LET HIM HOLD HER URN!

    I don’t know why but I felt a click. I don’t know if it did work but by some mercy from the heavens, her younger brother, Jungkook, insisted in carrying her urn. Jungkook. He doesn’t even know a thing. If I screamed at the top of my lungs for him to leave his girlfriend, will he also hear me? LEAVE HER. NOW. SAVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE HER.

    I sigh. Of course, it won’t work. It’s just a coincidence the first time. He will never hear me. I’m not his guardian angel. But I’m pretty sure his name will be showing up in our list of souls soon. He’s just too broken because of Jieun’s death. When his name comes up, I hope I get it. And I’ll save him no matter what it takes. For him. And for Jieun.

    Joohyun didn’t leave me until Jieun’s ashes are buried. She held my hand as I just look over the whole ceremony. And at last, Jungkook places her urn down the ground. And that… that’s it.

    I look at Joohyun and she offers me a smile for comfort. I smile at her in return. From here, I found myself a new determination to fulfill my duty as a guardian angel for the broken. I’m getting Jeon Jungkook as my next soul no matter what and I’m gonna do everything in my power to not let him fall apart.

   
I found my way to Chanyeol’s chambers. Joohyun tried to stop me but the soul she’s watching over just woke up and she needed to attend to him. What am I doing here? I’m getting Jeon Jungkook’s soul under my care.

    “Chaeng. He’s not on the list.” Chanyeol closes his eyes as he massages his temples. Yeah, I heard it the first time he told me but I just don’t get it even though he keep on saying it for almost five times already.

    “What do you mean he’s not on the list? Have you seen him?! HE WAS IN SHOCK FOR FOUR DAYS WHEN HE LOST HIS SISTER!”

    “Chaeyoung,” he takes a deep breath before directly looking at me. “Only a soul who is not open to heal themselves with the living makes it to our list. You’ve seen him. The tremendous amount of support he has from his family, his friends and his girlfriend-”

    “OH DON’T YOU GO THERE.” I glare at the mention of his girlfriend.

    “-AS I WAS SAYING. He’s open to heal from the support he has around him. He doesn’t need us. He doesn’t need you.”

    I stomp like a child when her parents won’t give her the toy she likes. It’s a petty analogy for a grave situation but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to see the urgency in this. If Jungkook learns about his girlfriend, how can I save him by then?! He’s gonna be as twice broken from anyone I have ever handled and I haven’t even saved them, so how can I do it with him?!

Then there’s a knock at Chanyeol’s door that manage to break the tension in the room. I swear I can sense that Chanyeol would be glad not to see me for a whole human year by this point.

“New tears arrived, Chanyeol.” the messenger enters the room with the glass case containing tears of broken hearted soul.

I give Chanyeol a hopeful look. He examines the list and sigh. “He's still not here, Chaeng.” He stands up and walks towards me. He lowers his face so he could level with me. “Chaeng. I know you mean well. But we can't do anything about it. In case he learned the truth and broke down, I want you to be prepared. Unlearn and relearn everything for now. Maybe, just maybe, he hasn't figured things out because his angel isn't ready for him… yet.”

I don't know what did it, maybe it's because Chanyeol has always been good with his words, but for the first time ever since I lost Jieun, the tears that I've been looking for finally flow freely.

I will rebuild myself up, Jungkook. I will be better. By the time your world starts to fall apart, I’ll be there. Trust me, I’ll be there.