Happy Birthday

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A matter of hours now.

Soon, I shall be having a candlelight dinner with my family. My steak done medium rare, my sides a combination of grilled potatoes and butterhead salad. Whilst we eat we will chatter about normal things - of fond memories and exciting plans - and we will drown in the warmth of the night.

Later, I will be looking at a blueberry cake, with a candle on top to decorate it. I will make a simple wish and cut the cake. We will all eat our dessert cheerfully. And then comes the end of the night. We all will retire to our beds, sleepy but satisfied.

And I will lay in bed, thinking. I am so blessed to have a family like mine. I am so grateful. I am so happy.

And then I will think of you. Your tousled brown hair and your toned body, with your dimple when you smile. I will smile back. I would smile back. Why would I not?

But I can't.

Because you will not be there.

You will not sing for me, or give me a sweet kiss goodnight. You will not give me a bouquet of sweet pink stargazer lilies. My favourite.

And I will lay there thinking about you. How I miss you. How I miss your smiles and kisses and hugs. Your scent and just

you.

And I will remember the wish I made earlier.

That I wish

you are happy

wherever

you are.

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