Help~Sincerely Three (a Dear Evan Hansen fanfiction) COMPLETED

Chapter Seven- Bubble

I have a lot of chapters written, so I thought I would update. What do you think so far?

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Connor

Jared is gone. I'm sitting alone at the breakfast table, shoving a hashbrown into my mouth in an attempt to choke down an upcoming sob. It's not working. Listen, I know that I'm being selfish. Jared deserves more than anything to be out of here. Same with Evan! They deserve to be alive and thriving, outside of a cage, like normal teenagers. But still...

I miss them.

I know that I'm not going to be stuck here for much longer and that when I get out I can pursue my life as a depressed teen. But when I do, what's going to happen? For now, I'm in a bubble. I've gotten so used to being in this bubble that I have no idea what I should do after I pop it. I'm scared to pop it.

Somebody like me won't be able to get a job. I'm not good with people, I'm over-emotional, lazy, and I do things before I fully think them through. How will I afford a house? My parents pay the bill for my jeep, not me. Once I get out of school, I'll be completely lost.

I'm snatched from my state of existential panic by a nurse announcing that we all have to follow her outside. I raise my eyebrows. We don't go outside that often. Last time we did, a couple of weeks ago, somebody tried to hop over the fence surrounding the building, slipped, and ended up getting his ass sliced by the barbed wire. We never ended up seeing him again.

With a sigh, I throw my remaining food out, joining my fellow misfits as they walk behind the nurse and to the backyard.

It turns out that nothing special is happening, we're just having sharing circle outdoors today. While it is a bit stuck up, it's nice to get some fresh air.

The rest of the day goes by quickly. I find myself thinking about Evan and Jared more than I should be. I wonder how they're doing. I wonder if they'll talk to me after all of this. I wonder why Jared kissed me, and I wonder why he spent so many nights crying, thinking that I couldn't hear him.

Once again, I'm yanked from my thoughts. This time it's the therapist.

"What's the topic?" I ask her, still slightly dazed.

"I want to know the best dream you've ever had." She flashes me a fake smile.

"I was in a field with my sister. We talked. It was nice." I mumble, crossing my arms. She smiles once again, and I zone back out.

Yoga is boring without Jared nearly breaking his neck and Evan yelling at him for it. My hair keeps getting into my face, and I'm not allowed hair ties. Nobody talks.

I never realized how utterly miserable it is here. I guess Evan and Jared's lightheartedness distracted me from the big picture. Everybody here is just...sad. They're all sad. I guess that's why we're here. Because we're sad. Or crazy. Or both.

Thinking about this only makes me want to go home more. I want to try and get better. I'll organize my room. I'll do better in school.

I'll be a better Connor Murphy.

***
My room is lonely without Jared. We never really talked in here, since the nurse would always shut us up. Still, I feel... Isolated. I mean, I'm already isolated, but that doesn't matter.

I should probably be trying to sleep, but I'm not tired. It's not like I don't want to sleep, I love sleep. Sleep is great. The only thing that would make sleep better would be if it was permanent.

Instead, I glare up at the ceiling, silently daring for it to fall down and crush me. It doesn't. I guess I can't talk to ceilings.

Since the ceiling doesn't feel like murdering me today, I decide to think. I think about Evan and Jared. I think about death, and if I'll freak out when it comes time for me to actually die. I think about pancakes, ones that aren't dry and bland and don't taste like concrete. I think about Turner and his dose of booty juice, and my mind shoots straight back to Evan and Jared.

After all of that, I can't find anything else to think about. I think I should go to sleep.