Help~Sincerely Three (a Dear Evan Hansen fanfiction) COMPLETED

Chapter Twelve-Flashback

I've been gone for a while oops
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Jared:

My breathing is fast as I stare in the mirror, my eyes are full of tears.

Dear nobody,

I take my glasses off of my face, rubbing my eyes and turning the handle to the sink faucet. The water is cold between my fingers.

I don't know if anybody will end up reading this, but

I splash the liquid into my face, letting out a deep sigh.

"Calm down, Jared. Calm down. You can do this, okay? Keep living. Living is worth it." I say to my reflection, desperate, even though my words are empty. "Stop thinking about it, Jared. Stop thinking about it."

If you are reading this, I'm probably boring you to death.

"Jared, you'll be okay. Everything will be okay. Breathe."

Speaking of death, hey! I'm dead! There's literally no point in writing this. Nobody will care.

"They care. They care."

I have nobody to say goodbye to. Except earth. Goodbye earth.

Tears and drops from the water fall onto the sink and onto the front of my shirt.

Goodbye.

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Flashback to: freshman year
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"Just let me do it!" I scream as loud as I can, using all of the strength I have in my body to try and shove past the school counselor. She holds a tight grip on my shoulders. "Just let me fucking die!"

"Jared, honey. I'm going to need you to calm down." She says quietly, and I shake my head, letting out a deranged sob that even surprises me.

"I don't want to calm down! I don't want to be here anymore! I don't want to be anywhere! Just let go of me! Leave me alone!" I'm done fighting. The counselor sits me down, and takes one of my hands. Tears fall onto my pants, but I don't care.

"I'm not letting you go. I understand that things have been rough for you, but you can't give up. You can't give up."

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Flashback to: sophomore year
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We're sitting in the cafeteria. Half of us are bored to death, the other half is sleeping. The principal has been droning on and on for what seems like hours.

"The point of this emergency assembly is..." I huff. Finally. "We have some sad news. Mrs. Rose, our beloved school counselor, got into an accident a couple of days ago. She didn't make it."

°°
Present time
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I feel lightheaded. At this point, I can't even tell if I'm breathing or not.

The world goes dark.

***
I wake up on the floor. My eyelids are heavy, and my head is pounding. I groan, stretching and standing up. I grab my glasses from the sink, cleaning them with water and a paper towel and rubbing my eyes before sliding them onto my face. I lean over, turning on the faucet and drinking straight from the sink.

I'm not surprised that I blacked out; it happens often. Really often. I know that something's got to be wrong with me, but I don't know exactly what. Flashbacks and then fainting, ever since I found out that Mrs. Rose is gone, that's how it's always been. Or sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes I have flashbacks in my sleep and then I wake up. I guess you can call those nightmares.