Help~Sincerely Three (a Dear Evan Hansen fanfiction) COMPLETED

Chapter Sixteen- He Saw It

Jared hasn't talked to us since the day he called me drunk. It's understandable, maybe he's embarrassed. Guilty. Maybe he just hates me altogether.

It's been three weeks since I've spoken to him.

Three long, long weeks.

Days feel like entire years. I haven't payed attention in any of my classes. I haven't communicated with anyone but Connor. He's the only person I can find even the slightest bit of comfort in anymore.

I'm being petty, I know. I shouldn't be this upset just because he hasn't talked to me. Maybe he's going through some unrelated thing, or he got grounded or something.

But, that's not really what's going through my head as I'm curled up in the corner of my room at four in the morning. My eyes feel heavy. I'm tired, I'm so fucking tired, but I can't sleep, no matter how hard I try or how many times I close my eyes.

For a couple of minutes, I wonder if I should call Connor. He's usually up now. Picking up my phone, I tap his contact. Each ring feels longer than the last.

"Ev?"

"Hi," I mumble, bringing my legs closer to my chest.

"Why are you up?" He asks. His voice is soft, and I want to drown myself in it. Or just drown myself in general.

"I couldn't sleep." I mumble, leaning my head on the wall.

"There's school tomorrow, Ev. You should try."

"You think I haven't?" Connor sighs. "Plus, you're up too."

"I normally sleep, though."

"And?"

"And you barely ever get any. I worry about you, Ev." He says."Jared does too."

"Like Hell he cares! Jared hasn't talked to us in weeks, Connor, he- he-" I choke out, and before I can stop them, thick, warm tears begin to fall from my eyes, running down my cheeks and dripping onto the ground. I try to cover my sobs with my hand, but it doesn't work.

"Evan," Connor says quietly, but I doubt he knows what to say.

"No, I- uh, I'm sorry, I- I should probably go, um, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I quickly hang up the phone, setting it on the ground next to me. I run my hands through my hair, sobbing loudly into my knees. I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe? Oh, I'm hyperventilating. Of course.

"Evan? Evan, what's wrong?" My mom says, rushing in and turning on the lights. She kneels next to me, resting her hand on my cheek. I only cry harder. "Do you need your meds?" I nod violently, pointing to my bedside table. "Okay, honey, calm down, I'm getting them." She quickly grabs the bottle, opening it and handing me a small, white pill. I down it dry, but it still doesn't do much. "Evan, deep breaths. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight."

I follow her breathing, at least until I manage to calm down. I'm still crying, but a lot softer than I had been before. I don't have the energy to get myself to bed, so mom helps me. She gives me this really sad look. It's not disappointment, it's just sad. Like her stare is scanning me, trying to find any little hint of hope in my sad little eyes. She stands there for a minute, our eyes locked, before turning the light off and leaving.

Tears continue to spill down my cheeks. I crawl over to the edge of ny bed, lowering myself onto the floor and grabbing my phone.

He's going to answer this time.

He's going to answer this time.

He's going to answer.

I tap the call button.

Riiiiiiing.

Riiiiiiing.

Riiiiiiing.

Riiiiiing.

Riiiiiing.

Riiiiiing.

"Heeello! You've reached the insanely cool Jared Kleinman! I'm sure your call is very important, but I'm probably hanging out with my insanely cool boyfriends, and I'll call you back when I get the chance! Byeeeee!"

The tears only fall faster.

1 Missed Call
Seen

He saw it.

He fucking saw it.

I dial Connor.

No answer.

Drowning.

I crawl back onto my bed, grabbing my bottle of pills. I don't want to live anymore. It's selfish. I know I'm being selfish. I love them, and I want to be with them. I want to be with them so fucking much.

But I'm not thinking about that as I twist off the lid, downing every single pill in the bottle.