Severance

41. Blueberry pie

I'd been laying in bed for what seemed like hours, watching the sun come up on the horizon outside as it poured gray light into my room. Monet was tucked up against my side and I had the urge to pull her closer like you might a teddy bear, a feeling I hadn't had since I was younger. There was always an uncertainty now and I had nothing to make me feel secure, nothing material that really reminded me that I'd be okay. I'd never been one for material possessions but sometimes it helped just to have something to hold onto.

My fingers traced the necklace, the cool bead sitting in my skin like an ice cube. The alarm I'd set finally went off on my nightstand and I didn't throw my phone to shut it off today, instead just touching the screen like a normal person should and shutting it down. Monet let out a muffled huff as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, stretching while I walked to my closet and picked out something to wear. A cozy sweater and some leggings seemed appropriate, layering it up with knee high socks and some tall boots to keep me warm. On the way out the door I peeked into Ramona's room, a little relieved to see our visitor hadn't spent the night; he wasn't a bad guy, but it was better we tread lightly with visitors who weren't accustomed to our strange way of life yet.

It was surprisingly sunny today, strange for November, but the warmth on my skin was relaxing. I think I stood at my balcony for a little longer than normal and just enjoyed it, realizing I hadn't taken the time to just enjoy the here and now for ages. Everything was so busy and rushed that I forgot to just stop and smell the damn roses. Thinking about it made me take a deep breath, the dewey scent and fresh-cut grass putting a smile on my face.

I sat in the car while it warmed up, singing along to my favorite playlist and thinking about what I wanted to make for Thanksgiving dinner, where we were going to have it, things like that. Dad probably wanted to do it at the house, which I'm sure no one was opposed to; just might be a drive for a few of the guests. My windshield finally cleared up and I slammed my car into gear, whipping around the corner and zipping off towards the freeway; I still wasn't sure why driving fast made me feel so happy, but I guess the thrill of it was enthralling to a lot of people. Maybe I should've been a race car driver instead of an archaeologist.

Soon enough I was crossing state lines and dancing back into a wooded wonderland, the aroma of fir trees and far-off wood fires filling my car as I rolled down the window. It always felt like a dream driving back up here but I feared sometimes that if I stayed too long I'd start to feel a little too cut off from reality. That might've been why I moved back to New Hampshire once I turned eighteen; I pushed the thought to the back of my mind as I turned into their driveway and saw my dad in the bench on the front porch, eagerly awaiting my arrival. Their whole yard was covered in orange and yellow leaves and birch trees, another scene I admired like it was a painting.

"I missed you," I told my dad as I trotted up the steps, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his chest. He held me tightly, the scent of blueberries wafting out from the door behind him.

"I missed you too baby girl," he chuckled, pulling back to take a look at me, "so, you finally went to Europe?"

"I did," I laughed, "come on, let's head inside and I'll tell you all about it."

He moved aside, gesturing for me to lead the way. To my surprise I saw we weren't alone, a younger man sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in his hands. He seemed gentle in spirit, with soft gray eyes and messy hair; it struck me suddenly who he reminded me of and I took a sharp breath as my dad introduced him.

"This is Holden, he's your mother's nurse," my dad smiled widely and I realized it had been so long since he'd seen Sam that he didn't recognize the similarities.

"It's very nice to meet you," he set his cup down, getting up just to shake my hand; my dad said something about checking on mom while we took a seat.